You Get What You Give- Show up

A lesson from 20+ years in HR, and a training room in Mt. Pleasant

I'm writing this from the Michigan Public Service Institute in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, MPSI for short. If you've been here before, drop a comment and tell me about it. I'd love to know what you walked away with.

I've been a committee member here for several years, which means I've been through these sessions more than once. And every single time, I leave with something new.

You might be wondering how that's even possible when you've heard the material before. The answer is two things: the people in the room, and where I am in my own life.

The attendees rotate. So even on a topic I've seen before, the perspectives, stories, and examples are completely different. And honestly, so am I. Three years of living, leading, and learning means I hear things differently. Ideas that didn't land before suddenly click. Things I thought I understood hit me at a deeper level.

It's one of my favorite reminders that growth isn't one-size-fits-all, and it's never really "done."

The Moment I Saw It Go Wrong

We've all been in this meeting before, the one that doesn't end, the one nobody wants to be at...

But here's the thing. Not everyone in that room experiences it that way.

I once attended a training with a co-worker who made it very clear from the start that they did not want to be there. They talked before we walked in about all the things they could be doing instead. Better things. More important things.

They sat in the back of the room and spent the entire session on their phone.

When we walked out, they had gotten nothing. Not a single takeaway. And I get it, the training wasn't the most engaging one I'd ever sat through either. I'll be honest about that. But I still walked out with several pages of notes and three or four action items I was genuinely excited to try.

Same room. Same content. Completely different outcomes.

The only real difference? What each of us brought in with us.

What Actually Happens When You Show Up for Hard Conversations

"The outcome has been remarkable."

This principle doesn't just apply to training rooms. I've seen it play out in one of the hardest parts of leadership: addressing performance.

A few years ago, I had an employee who wasn't meeting expectations. I'd been through enough performance situations by that point to know how they usually ended. I'd been to the trainings. I'd read the books. I'd completed improvement plans. And most of the time, despite everyone's best efforts, the change didn't stick. It became the beginning of the end.

I did not want that outcome this time.

So, I went into that conversation differently. Instead of just presenting the problem, I detailed the situation carefully and then gave this person the space to respond. And then I actually listened. Not just waited for my turn to talk. I genuinely listened.

Here's what I want to be honest about: most of the credit goes to them. They leaned in too. They listened, they thought, and then they came up with their own plan. They put in the real work. I supported where I could, stayed consistent, and followed through on what I said I would do.

The outcome has been remarkable. Genuinely one of the success stories I'm most proud to have witnessed in my career.

But if either one of us had walked into that room with our arms crossed and our minds made up, it would have gone a completely different direction. I know that for a fact.

So What Does This Mean for You?

Your attitude alone can't make a truly terrible situation good.

I want to be clear about something, because I think it matters: your attitude alone can't make a truly terrible situation good. I'm not here to sell you toxic positivity or tell you that if you just smile harder, everything will work out.

What I am saying is this: your attitude can find the good in an imperfect situation. And most of the situations we face, the frustrating meetings, the difficult conversations, the training sessions we've been to before, they are imperfect, not hopeless.

If you go in looking for nothing, you will find nothing.

If you go in looking for one good idea, one real moment of connection, one thing you can actually use, you'll probably find it.

A Note for Leaders Specifically

"Setting a tone of openness, growth, and genuine effort isn't just good for you. It gives the people around you permission to do the same."

If you're in a leadership role, this matters even more. Because your team is watching you.

If you roll your eyes at the mandatory training, so will they. If you show up to a hard conversation already checked out, your employee will feel that before you say a single word. If you approach a difficult situation like it's already a lost cause, you've already decided the outcome.

Setting a tone of openness, growth, and genuine effort isn't just good for you. It gives the people around you permission to do the same.

That's one of the things I believe most deeply after more than 20 years in HR: leadership is largely about what you model. Not what you say. What you actually do.

One Last Thing

How often do you walk into a meeting, a training, or a conversation with an eye roll already loaded? I'm not going to pretend I never do it. There are absolutely days where I'm tired, distracted, or convinced it's going to be a waste of my time.

Sometimes I'm right.

But a lot of times, I get exactly what I brought. And on the days I show up with intention, actually paying attention, actually listening, actually looking for something useful, I walk away with something worth keeping.

You get what you give. In training rooms, in tough conversations, in leadership, and honestly, in life.

So what are you bringing in with you?

If this resonated with you, check out my posts on Accountability and Self-Awareness -- two of the leadership skills that make this mindset possible.