Leadership Self-Awareness: Knowing Your Blind Spots (And Why It Matters Most)

linnearader
5 days ago
8 min read

Remember that story I told you at the beginning of this series? A few years ago at a leadership conference, someone pulled me aside during a break. They needed to vent about their boss.

Their team had been dealing with project timeline issues. Instead of explaining the actual resource constraints, their leader fabricated a story about new project management software and blamed the delays on the learning curve. The lie got exposed. Trust evaporated.

But here's what really stuck with me about that conversation. That leader probably didn't think they were lying. They probably thought they were managing the message. Protecting the team. Making things easier.

They had zero awareness of how they were actually coming across. Zero awareness of the damage they were doing. Zero awareness of the gap between their intentions and their impact.

That's what happens without self-awareness. You think you're doing one thing while everyone around you experiences something completely different.

And that brings us full circle. Because self-awareness is the foundation of every other leadership skill we've talked about in this series. Without it, none of the rest works.

When I Was a Bull in a China Shop

Early in my career I was a bull in a China shop.

I knew I had a job to do. I didn't know anything about anyone else's jobs. I was new. I was tasked with getting projects billed out, so that's what I was going to do.

I thought it was easy. Get with the person in charge of the project and find out when the project was done. A project ending date should be easy to figure out, right?

Wrong.

The main parts of the project might be done right away, but is the weather right for doing the final restoration? Is it a rainy season where we can expect a downpour or two that will require some touch up? Might a hard rain make a difference and some adjustments need to be made to spill ways or erosion control measures?

Maybe. But what did I know? The main part was complete. Why can't I do my job?

So I kept asking. I kept pushing. I didn't understand what the hold up was and at the time, really didn't quite care. I wanted to get my job done so I could move on to something else. Billing is easy, right?

Not.

I pushed and pushed to the point walls went up. Relationships were bruised. I was annoying and those that were in charge of projects were sick of me. So they told me less. They avoided me more.

My easy job of billing became close to impossible. It took a lot of learning and experience to figure out this challenge and become productive in this area.

And guess what. The relationships that I bruised? The bruises didn't just show themselves in the billing area. They showed themselves in all other areas of our interactions.

That's the cost of lacking self-awareness. I didn't see how I was coming across. I didn't understand the impact I was having. I just knew I was trying to do my job and everyone was making it difficult.

Learning the Term, Living the Practice

"It's noticing the gap between your intentions and your impact."

Self-awareness is something that I started building long before I knew anything about self-awareness. I didn't know the term until I was in my master's program and took an emotional intelligence course.

But looking back, as I grew up and grew into my roles as an employee, coworker, person, mom, wife, self-awareness is something I've worked on throughout my life.

It's the realization that the way you interacted with someone didn't sit right with you. That you look back at an interaction or an action that you did and cringe. It's about recognizing the way you can do something better. You can change your approach and be more effective, more approachable, less accusatory, less abrasive.

So I learned the term in my master's class, but the idea of it is something that's been with me, and you, all of my life.

That's what self-awareness actually is. It's noticing the gap between your intentions and your impact. It's catching yourself doing something that isn't working. It's being willing to look at your own behavior honestly instead of just blaming everyone else.

Self-Awareness in Action

Recently I had to change the way our organization approached a situation. Our past practice in hindsight wasn't the most effective. There was too much emphasis on personal opinion rather than fact and experience.

So I changed it. I didn't explain the change, nor the reason. And then I was questioned.

I could have reverted to defensiveness and abrasiveness, stating the new way was better and that's how it was going to be.

Instead I explained the situation. I shared my concerns. The outcomes that were less than ideal and how the changes would make the process better.

Then, I apologized for making the change without discussion and without explanation.

That's self-awareness. Catching yourself in the moment. Recognizing when your approach isn't landing well. Adjusting instead of doubling down.

Ten years ago, I probably would have gotten defensive. I would have insisted I was right and everyone else just didn't understand. I would have made it worse.

Self-awareness gave me the ability to pause, assess, and choose a different response.

The Blind Spots I Still Have

I'm not perfect. I get defensive sometimes. I get hung up with my pride at times. I'm working on it. I want to be better every day, but I make mistakes. I can always be better. I can always learn and grow.

The area I still need the most work on is defensiveness with decisions. I'm typically pretty good at asking for input. I'm still working on being more aware when I begin to get defensive and stopping before it goes too far.

Here's the thing about self-awareness. It's not something you achieve once and then you're done. It's ongoing. You keep discovering new blind spots. You keep finding new areas where your intentions don't match your impact. You keep learning.

The difference between someone with self-awareness and someone without it isn't that one person has blind spots and the other doesn't. It's that one person is willing to acknowledge their blind spots and work on them.

What Lack of Self-Awareness Looks Like

"There's always an excuse. Someone else is always to blame."

Lack of self-awareness is crazy to watch. It's so obvious to other people and so hard for some people to see in themselves. I really think the observation in one's self is linked to a desire to actually see it. Those that have no self-awareness and no care on how they are working with others have zero percent chance of becoming self aware.

One person I can think of right off the bat with a lack of self-awareness is a person who is never at fault. The crash, it was someone else. They didn't know something they had been trained on at least three times, oh, that was someone else's fault too. Paperwork didn't get filled out, they were asked to do too much and didn't have time. Truck is dirty, it's not a problem, they were going to clean it the next day.

There's always an excuse. Someone else is always to blame.

When I have to have difficult conversations and excuses and pointing fingers happens, the probability is insanely high that I'm going to have to have the same type of conversation again.

How can someone learn and grow in a situation they have no perception of control over? They can't. Until they can admit any level of involvement in the situation, they can't change it.

That's what missing self-awareness costs. Not just one bad interaction or one missed opportunity. The ability to grow. The ability to improve. The ability to see reality clearly.

Why Self-Awareness Is the Foundation

Throughout this series, we've talked about ten real leadership skills that actually matter. Trust and honesty. Authenticity. Emotional intelligence. Communication. Adaptability. Accountability. Decisiveness. Courage. Curiosity.

Every single one of them requires self-awareness.

You can't build trust if you don't realize you're being dishonest with yourself. You can't be authentic if you don't know who you actually are. You can't develop emotional intelligence if you can't recognize your own emotions and triggers. You can't communicate effectively if you don't understand how you're coming across. You can't adapt if you don't see when your approach isn't working.

You can't be accountable if you can't see your own mistakes. You can't be decisive if you don't recognize your patterns of avoidance. You can't have courage if you don't know what scares you. You can't stay curious if you think you already know everything.

Self-awareness is the foundation. Without it, you're that leader who thinks they're managing the message while everyone else sees them as dishonest. You're the person who thinks they're just doing their job while everyone else thinks you're annoying and pushy. You're convinced you're excellent while your actions say otherwise.

And the scariest part? You have no idea.

Building Your Self-Awareness

"Pay attention to the cringe."

If you're reading this and wondering how self-aware you actually are, that's a good sign. People who completely lack self-awareness don't ask that question.

Here's how to develop it:

Pay attention to the cringe. When you look back at an interaction and something doesn't sit right, don't dismiss it. Explore it. What about it bothers you? What would you do differently?

Notice the patterns. If you keep having the same problem with different people, the problem isn't them. It's you. If every project team seems difficult to work with, if every conversation seems to go sideways, if people keep misunderstanding you, look at the common denominator.

Ask for feedback. And actually listen to it. Don't explain it away. Don't defend yourself. Just take it in and consider whether there's truth in it.

Catch yourself in the moment. Like I did with that organizational change. When you notice yourself getting defensive or abrasive or pushy, pause. Ask yourself what's really happening. Choose a different response.

Be willing to acknowledge your blind spots. I still get defensive with decisions. That leader still can't see their impact. The difference is I know it's something I need to work on. They think they're fine.

Keep learning about yourself. Take assessments. Go to training even when you think you might already know the content. Stay curious about your own patterns and behaviors.

The Journey Never Ends

I learned the term self-awareness in a master's class. But I've been working on the practice of it my whole life. And I'll keep working on it for the rest of my life.

Because there will always be new situations that reveal new blind spots. There will always be moments when my intentions don't match my impact. There will always be areas where I can be more effective, more approachable, less defensive.

That's not a failure. That's being human. The failure would be thinking I've arrived. Thinking I have it all figured out. Thinking I don't need to keep learning and growing.

Self-awareness isn't about being perfect. It's about being willing to see yourself clearly. To acknowledge when you're not showing up the way you intend to. To adjust when your approach isn't working. To keep growing even when it's uncomfortable.

And that's really what all ten of these leadership skills come down to. Not being perfect. Not having all the answers. Not never making mistakes.

But being willing to look honestly at yourself and your impact. Being willing to do the hard work of growing. Being willing to lead in a way that actually serves the people you're leading.

That's leadership. And it all starts with knowing yourself.

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This concludes the 10 Real Leadership Skills series. Thank you for reading.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!