How to Build Others Up at Work: There's Room for All of Us

4 days ago

5 min read

Smiling woman in a purple shirt at a conference, with a blurred audience and colorful carpet behind her. — Linnea at the Michigan Roads Scholar Program

Last week I spent several days at our 7th annual Michigan Roads Scholar program with 147 people from the road and public works world, the same field I work in for my day job. Most of them are the front-line folks, the ones out on the roads every day, while I'm usually the one back in the office. The training was great. But what I'll remember most is watching people who had never met swap stories, share what's worked for them, and nod along because someone in the room finally understood their job.

Nobody there was trying to prove they were better than the person sitting next to them. And it reminded me how rare that can be.

There's Plenty of Room at the Table

Our facilitator, Steve Ludwig, was one of the people I reached out to when I first started Lead with Linnea. We have similar businesses and we reach similar groups of people, so you might expect us to keep our distance. Instead, he's been one of my biggest encouragers. He shares his insights, gives advice, and pushes me to be better every time I see him.

He told me once that there is more than enough need to go around for all of us. He's right. Every team needs someone to help them grow, and there are plenty of teams. That idea reaches far beyond training, too. It applies to every job, every family, and every friend group.

So why do so many of us act like there isn't enough room?

Knocking Others Down Shows Up Everywhere

Once you start looking for it, you see it all over.

In families, it's the sibling who talks about everything they do for the family while pointing out every time a brother or sister wasn't there or didn't help.

In friend groups, it's the friend who quietly stops sharing her accomplishments because every win gets met with "How do you have time for that without dropping the ball at work or at home?" Or the comment, "I could never do that. My family comes first."

And at work, I see it constantly.

Picture an equipment operator I'll call Employee A. He's great at what he does. He runs equipment well, finishes projects efficiently, and needs very little supervision. Explain what needs to happen, and it gets done. Everyone knows he's good. But almost every time you talk to him, the conversation turns to Employee B. What B does more slowly. Where B struggles.

Or picture the customer service rock star who speaks kindly, handles tough situations with a positive attitude, and can de-escalate almost anyone. Instead of owning that and being proud of it, they spend their energy on how their counterpart handles customers, commenting on every overheard conversation that wasn't up to their standard.

Both of these people are good. Really good. And both of them are spending energy proving it by comparison.

Close-up of a wooden Jenga-style tower of blocks stacked precariously on a dark tabletop, with a blurred background. — Spend the energy building up instead of knocking down.

Comparison Usually Comes Down to Confidence

Here's what I've come to believe. Most of the time, knocking others down isn't about the other person at all. It's about confidence.

Are you confident in what you're doing? Or are you worried about what others think?

When you're confident in who you are, how you're acting, and what you're doing, you don't have to focus on what everyone else is doing or how you compare. Your work speaks for itself. Your attitude speaks for itself. Who you are speaks for itself. When you're confident in who you are, you don't need to keep score on anyone else.

"When you're confident in who you are, you don't need to keep score on anyone else."

So if you catch yourself living in comparison, pointing out what you see as someone else's shortcomings, pause and turn the question around. Is something about my own confidence driving this? It's not a comfortable question. But it's an honest one, and it's where growth starts.

How Leaders Can Tell Helpful Concern from Comparison

If you lead people, this gets trickier. Your team needs to bring you mistakes and problems. Those alerts are necessary, and you never want anyone afraid to speak up because they're worried about looking like they're tattling.

So how do you tell the difference? Listen for the comparison.

A helpful concern sounds like: here's what happened, here's the problem, here's what we need to do to fix it. The focus stays on the work.

Comparison sounds like: look at how they're messing up, and look at how much better I would have done it. The focus is on the person bringing it to you.

One moves the whole team forward. The other moves one person up a rung by pushing someone else down.

Recognize Good Work Before Anyone Feels the Need to Prove It

As leaders, one of the best things we can do is make sure people know their work is seen. Recognize accomplishments. Tell people specifically what they're doing well. When someone knows their value is noticed, they have a lot less need to prove it by tearing someone else down.

That won't eliminate it completely. For some people, comparison is deeply tied to their confidence, or their lack of it, and they'll compare anyway. When that happens, kindly shut it down. You might say something like, "I appreciate you, and I see the work you do. If there's a real concern about the work, bring it to me. If not, we aren't going to compare."

"If there's a real concern about the work, bring it to me. If not, we aren't going to compare."

That's not harsh. It's clear. It protects the person being talked about, and it gives the person doing the talking a better path forward.

Choose to Build Others Up

There's room for ALL of us to succeed on our own merit. It doesn't matter the field we're in, the job we do, or the path we're on. Your success doesn't require someone else's failure.

"Your success doesn't require someone else's failure."

So be like Steve. Be positive. Be encouraging. Be confident in your own capabilities and understanding of where others still want to learn. Find the progress and keep moving forward.

This week, pay attention to how you show up, at work, at home, and with your friends. Are you building others up or knocking them down? Are you offering empathy and support, or criticism and comparison?

I'd love to hear from you. Who in your life has built you up when they could have competed with you instead? Share it in the comments, or better yet, go tell them.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!