Effective Leadership Communication: Finding the Line Between Too Much and Too Little
- linnearader
- Mar 2
- 7 min read
Updated: Mar 20
I've become the people whisperer (at least in some instances).
It's not always been that way, but it's growing as I understand people more and can sit back and really observe situations. And here's what I keep seeing: two people have a conversation, they leave the room, and it's like they were in different rooms having different conversations about completely different things.
It's uncanny. They both pick up on different parts of what the other says. They read into each other's words in very interesting ways. I think they insert their own personal feelings about the situation into the communication and think through that filter rather than fully listening.
The entire thing ends up being a mess.
This happens regularly. I do my best to mediate these conversations, and I'd love to fix it completely, but it's a challenge I haven't entirely figured out yet.
Because here's the truth: communication is hard. Really hard. And it's not getting easier.
The Line That Keeps Moving
"A perfect way to communicate one day may be completely wrong another day."
I'm very imperfect in communication. Not to say I don't study what works, what doesn't, and make many attempts to regularly do better. But effective communication is hard.
The line between too much and too little communication is so fine it's missed often. And here's what makes it even harder: the location of that line changes based on who you're working with, what the topic is, the day or time, the feelings of the other person, and so much more.
A perfect way to communicate one day may be completely wrong another day.
My worst place for over-communication is board meetings. I present the idea, make sure everyone heard the details, provide them again, and then continue looking around to see if anyone has questions.
I'm typically talking about finance related topics. Beyond understanding the structure and point of the revenue or expenditure, there's not a lot of explanation required. I truly am working on it, though if any commissioners are reading this, they may disagree.
The result of my over-communication? The information they received gets overtaken by too many details and I'm tuned out. They got it the first time. They don't need me to explain how to build the budget, just how it works.
That's over-communication. You keep talking past the point where people are listening. I feel like I’m balancing on that line currently in this paragraph if I’m being completely honest!
When You're Not Direct Enough
This has happened more often than I care to admit, but it's decreasing in frequency as I practice effective communication.
Recently I approached a team of coworkers in hopes of discussing some upcoming changes that needed to be made. I approached it openly, not presenting a plan because I wanted to ensure I heard all their thoughts rather than cloud the conversation with pre-existing plans.
I wasn't clear enough in my communication because the participants took the changes as optional rather than necessary. They basically said no thank you and thought we could just move on rather than discuss the situation to find a solution.
I liked that I didn't have a set plan so I could truly hear their input and ideas. But I needed to clearly explain the necessity of the change so it wasn't viewed as optional.
That's under-communication. You assume people understand the context and constraints when you haven't actually explained them.
When Being Direct Works
At work I regularly have to have difficult conversations. The most recent I can think of was a conversation that needed to occur about a deficiency that was observed.
I explained the deficiency. I gave the person an opportunity to acknowledge it, which they did immediately.
With that honesty and directness, I can most certainly respect the other person far more easily. I didn't belabor the conversation further. It was a matter of, okay, you understand, it won't happen again, let's move on. I appreciate the ownership of the situation.
That's effective communication. Direct. Clear. Respectful. And brief because it didn't need to be longer.
When someone takes ownership immediately, you don't need to pile on. You don't need to explain why it matters or what could have happened. They already know. Continuing would just be you talking to make yourself feel better, not to make the situation better.
Delivering News People Don't Want to Hear
"If you understand how the other person communicates best, communicating in their style will be more productive."
Delivering news to people that don't want to hear it is a regular occurrence in human resources.
In my opinion, it's best to be direct while kind, explaining the delivery based on what the receiver finds most helpful. It's also really helpful if you know the people you work with.
I facilitate Real Colors workshops. I understand from that more about each person's natural tendencies, which helps me approach them in a way that makes them more comfortable and allows them to receive messages better.
Some people have personalities that want you to approach them in a no nonsense, no frills kind of way. Good news, bad news, general information, it doesn't matter. They want you to get to the point and give the information.
Others prefer to take the temperature of the other person before they get into the message. They welcome you to the conversation, ask how you're doing, check on you as a person first. Then get on with the communication.
Neither way is good or bad. They're both just about preference. And if you understand how the other person communicates best, communicating in their style will be more productive.
In a professional setting, I prefer when there's information to discuss that we get to the point, get the details out there, and figure it out. The personal stuff can come later once the work is done.
I work with a few people that if I just walked in and got to the point would feel like I was upset or rude. I recognize that and start conversations with them with more of the personal aspect and ease into the other things. It's absolutely fine and gets easier as you understand each other better.
Now, in stress, I get to the point quite quickly. That's something I have to manage. But knowing your tendencies and knowing the other person's preferences makes communication significantly more effective.
When You Don't Agree With the Message
I've absolutely had to deliver messages that I don't agree with.
Sometimes it's a policy or procedure that is different than what I would recommend. Sometimes it's a department that I work with where my job is to help ensure the message is understood, not that I necessarily agree with it.
My agreement or like or dislike of the situation has no bearing on how I convey the message.
This is a communication skill that matters more than people realize. When you're a leader, you're going to have to communicate decisions you didn't make. You're going to have to explain policies you don't fully agree with. You're going to have to deliver news that you wish wasn't true.
And how you handle that communication matters.
If you undermine the message with your tone or body language, if you distance yourself from it with phrases like 'they want me to tell you' or 'I don't agree but,' you're not leading. You're creating division and confusion.
You can disagree privately. You should disagree privately when appropriate. But once a decision is made, your job is to communicate it clearly and support its implementation, not to sabotage it because you didn't get your way.
The Challenge of Different Communication Styles
Facilitating Real Colors and training in communication skills, I work with people all the time that communicate in different ways than I do. It's very interesting to me.
There are countless different communication styles and preferences. And working effectively with people requires understanding and adapting to those differences.
I've learned to start conversations with certain people differently than I naturally would. I've learned to give more context to some people and less to others. I've learned to check in on how messages are landing instead of assuming they were received the way I intended.
This doesn't come naturally to me. I have to work at it. But it's worth working at because the alternative is constant miscommunication and frustration on both sides.
What Makes Communication Hard
"That's why two people can leave the same conversation having heard completely different things."
Communication isn't just about what you say. It's about:
How you say it. Your tone matters. Your body language matters. Your timing matters.
What the other person hears. Which isn't always what you said. They're filtering your words through their own experiences, assumptions, and emotional state.
What you leave out. Sometimes the most important information is what you assume people already know but they don't.
The context you're both operating in. What makes sense in one situation might be completely wrong in another.
That's why two people can leave the same conversation having heard completely different things. They weren't in different conversations. They were just processing the same conversation through different filters.
And that's why being a good communicator requires more than just being articulate or direct or thorough. It requires paying attention to how your communication is actually landing, not just how you intended it to land.
Getting Better at This
I'm still working on this. I over-communicate sometimes. I under-communicate other times. I miss cues. I assume people understand when they don't. I get frustrated when my clear and direct communication (or what I THINK is clear and direct) isn't received as clear and direct.
But I'm getting better. And here's what's helping:
Knowing my audience. Understanding how different people prefer to receive information and adapting to that.
Checking for understanding. Not just asking 'does that make sense' but actually verifying that what they heard matches what I meant.
Being clear about constraints. When something isn't optional, saying so upfront instead of assuming people will understand the necessity.
Knowing when to stop talking. Recognizing when more words aren't adding value and are just making things muddier.
Separating my feelings from the message. When I have to deliver news I don't personally agree with, doing so without undermining it.
None of this is easy. And there's no formula that works every time with every person in every situation.
But that's what makes communication a leadership skill worth developing. Because everything else you do as a leader depends on your ability to communicate effectively.
You can have the best strategy. The clearest vision. The most innovative ideas. But if you can't communicate them in a way people can actually hear and act on, none of it matters.
So you keep working at it. You keep paying attention. You keep adjusting. And you accept that you're never going to be perfect at it, but you can keep getting better.
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Next in the series: Adaptability - Leading Through Change and Chaos
As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!
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