Setting Team Expectations: Why the Conversation Matters More Than the Words

Right now I'm in the middle of something big. I'm sitting down with every team across the organization and rebuilding our expectations from scratch. Not just one team. Every single one. Each work group. Each small team. Each large team. Then I'll keep going, group by group, until we've worked our way up to the full organization.

That's a lot of conversations. And I'm doing them on purpose.

After 20+ years in HR, I've learned something I keep coming back to. The words you end up writing down? They almost never change. But the conversations you have along the way? They change everything.

The words you end up writing down almost never change. But the conversations you have along the way? They change everything.

Why I Start with the Smallest Team First

In my business, I call team expectations "Building Blocks." That name isn't accidental. They're the foundation that holds everything else up. And foundations don't get built from the top down.

When leaders try to set expectations for a whole organization without first aligning the smaller groups inside it, you end up with words on a page that nobody actually owns. Each smaller team has to understand what they're working toward and how, before you can layer the larger team's expectations on top of theirs.

If the bottom blocks are wobbly, every block above them is wobbly too.

If the bottom blocks are wobbly, every block above them is wobbly too.

That's why I'm working through each group, smallest to largest. The conversation at one level builds the foundation for the next. By the time we get to the full agency, the work has already been done in every team that feeds into it. The expectations stop feeling like something handed down from above. They feel like something everyone helped build.

The Words Look the Same. The Meaning Doesn't.

Building Blocks Notes

Think about your team for a minute.

I'm sure they know what tasks you want them to perform. I'm sure they know you expect them to be honest, professional, accurate, and timely. All those great buzzwords every team has on their list.

But here's the question that matters. What does "timely" actually mean to you? And what does it mean to each person on your team?

Does it mean dropping everything to make sure one specific task is done at a certain time?

Does it mean understanding the deadline and getting as close to it as possible without burning out? Does it mean something else entirely once you start digging?

The word looks simple on paper. The meaning isn't simple at all. And the only way you find out where everyone actually stands is through discussion.

When the Conversation Doesn't Happen

Let me give you a real example of what happens when leaders skip this work.

I once watched a situation play out where management decided to turn off comments on the organization's social media. From management's seat, it was a simple operational call. Nobody up there thought twice about it.

The crew had a completely different read.

Without a conversation, assumptions filled the gap. Some people thought management didn't care what the public had to say. Some thought leadership was hiding bad decisions. Some thought the team was being silenced on purpose. The story the crew built around one small operational decision damaged relationships across the agency for weeks.

Here's the thing. Management had real reasons. There wasn't staffing to monitor comments regularly, and the liability insurance had recommended restricting comments if active monitoring wasn't possible. It was a responsible business decision. Nobody up the chain even knew the crew cared about it.

When the discussion finally happened, everything shifted. The crew didn't just understand the reason. They helped reshape the approach. Together, the agency landed on a different way to handle social media that worked better for everyone.

All that resolution came from one thing. Discussion. People setting assumptions aside long enough to actually talk.

Discussion Is the Real Work

Have discussions!

In teams, different dynamics surround discussion. People come in with different histories, different communication styles, and different assumptions about what gets discussed and what just gets decided.

Years ago, I learned something from one of the people I look up to greatly, Lew Bender. He said that in teams, we don't have democracy. We can talk. We can discuss. We can dissect every angle. But in the end, most decisions aren't a vote. They are a decision made by the leader.

That always stuck with me. Because it reframed what discussion actually is.

Discussion isn't a path to consensus. It isn't about getting everyone to agree. Discussion is the work that happens before a decision so that when the decision is made, everyone understands the why behind it. They might not have voted for it. But they know what's underneath it.

That's leadership. At work, at home, in friendships, in any relationship that matters.

Words Carry More Than We Think

One of the reasons discussion is so important is that words carry so much more than the dictionary definition. They carry inflection. History. Personal experience. The way someone's last manager used the same word in a totally different way.

When you say "professional," you might mean one thing. The newest person on your team might hear something completely different based on the workplace they came from. The person who has been on your team for years might hear it through the lens of a hundred conversations you've had together.

Without discussion, we're all using the same words but living in different rooms.

Without discussion, we're all using the same words but living in different rooms.

That's the gap that breaks teams. Not bad people. Not bad intentions. Just words that never got unpacked.

Set Expectations WITH Your Team

Here's my challenge for you this week.

Whether it's your team at work, your family at home, or even just a friend you're trying to navigate something with, don't set expectations in isolation. Don't write them down on your own and then deliver them like a verdict.

Set them with the people who have to live them.

Have the conversations. Ask the questions. Find out what "timely" or "honest" or "responsive" really means to each person. Listen for the gaps, the surprises, the moments where you realize someone has been operating with a totally different definition than you thought.

The page might not look very different at the end. But the team will be different. The understanding will be different. The trust will be different.

That's what discussion is for.

What's one expectation on your team that you've never actually defined out loud together? Pull it out this week. Have the conversation. See what comes up.

I'd love to hear what you find.