Leadership Lessons No One Warns You About: Hard Truths Every Manager Needs to Hear

linnearader
Sep 29
7 min read

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"As you enter the world of leadership, buckle up. You're in for one hell of a ride."

Last week I wrote about leading in local government and what they don't teach you about public service management. Today, I'm following up with some of the craziest, and most valuable, things I've learned as a leader. These two topics go hand in hand because honestly? Leadership is challenging and rewarding in equal measure. Sometimes you need to laugh to keep from crying, and sometimes you just flat-out need a good laugh.

Here's the thing: you really can't make this stuff up.

You Really Can't Make This Stuff Up

I cannot count how many times I've said this, both in my head and out loud. Because really, you just can't. You think you could dream up the situations you'll encounter as a leader, but it's not even possible. There are so many examples I'd love to share, but being the HR person and a true leader means not airing other people's laundry. That whole discretion thing? Kind of important.

The reality is this: you're going to be shocked more times than you think possible. Like really, genuinely speechless at times. Whether someone does something completely boneheaded, starts "performing" for the team's attention, or throws all common sense out the window, you're going to stare at situations and be absolutely dumfounded.

Over the years, I've said, and heard countless others say, "we really should write a book." As you enter the world of leadership, buckle up. You're in for one hell of a ride.

No Matter How Hard You Work, Someone Will Think You Suck

Shrug your shoulders and dust off, some will like you and some people won't — Some will like you, some won't

This one stings, but it's absolutely true. First, I'm the HR person, which means me doing my job automatically makes someone unhappy. Usually, the people working with the person I'm holding accountable appreciate it, but the person being held accountable? Not so much.

Second, sometimes people just don't like you. Maybe it's from some interaction fifteen years ago. Maybe they don't like the person who hired you or someone you used to work with. It's possible they don't like you simply because you're a woman (or a man, or young, or old, or whatever characteristic they've decided to focus on).

You can literally do everything someone asks for. You can jump through every hoop, dot every "i" and cross every "t," and someone still won't like you for reasons that have nothing to do with your actual performance.

Here's the moral of the story: do your best, work hard, and keep at it. The people who matter, the ones actually paying attention, will notice your efforts and results.

If You Give an Inch, They'll Take a Mile

You've heard the saying, but I'll put a twist on it. If you give an inch and someone thinks there's any chance for an inch and a quarter, someone is diving toward it. And honestly? It's not always malicious. Most people aren't plotting to take advantage of you. They're just human beings naturally pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with.

It's like kids testing bedtime rules, they're not evil, they're just seeing how far the fence extends. The problem is, once you start moving that fence, everyone notices. One person shows up ten minutes late and you let it slide? Suddenly half your team thinks punctuality is optional. You extend one deadline "just this once"? Now every project timeline becomes a negotiation.

Here's what drives me crazy: leaders who give that inch, watch it turn into a mile, and then act shocked and betrayed when standards completely fall apart. You set the precedent! You taught people that your boundaries are suggestions, not requirements. The solution isn't becoming a rigid tyrant, it's about creating clear expectations, communicating them consistently, and then sticking to them. Because once people know where the real line is and that you actually mean it, most will respect it. But if they sense even a hint of wishy-washiness? Game over.

There's a Fine Line Between Leading and Parenting

Two children playing on the playground. — You are not running a day care center, set expectations

The best way to lead is with empathy. If you stop at sympathy, you're screwed. Sympathy is sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for someone while they struggle. It's that "oh, poor you" mentality that keeps you at arm's length, watching the train wreck happen without doing anything useful about it. When you lead with sympathy, you become the office rescuer, constantly swooping in to fix everyone's problems and accidentally teaching your team that struggle gets rewarded more than excellence.

Here's what empathy actually looks like in leadership: it's not feeling sorry for people, it's understanding them well enough to help them succeed anyway. When your employee is drowning in childcare chaos, empathy doesn't say "don't worry about those deadlines." It says, "I get that mornings are impossible right now, let's figure out if shifting your schedule could help you nail these projects."

The brutal truth? Sympathy feels good in the moment but creates dysfunction long-term. Empathy feels harder because it requires you to hold two things at once: genuine care for your people AND unwavering commitment to results. Your team doesn't need you to feel sorry for them. They need you to understand them and believe they can rise to the occasion.

You Will Never Get It All Done

"You get done what's necessary and fill in with wish list items as you can."

As a leader, the to-do list is long and grows constantly. When working with your teams, you'll think of different ways things could be done better or additional projects that could make everything more efficient. They're all amazing ideas, but ideas take time, and time is a valuable resource.

To be truly effective, you have to step back sometimes and determine what's most important and how much you can actually accomplish. There's always a to-do list and a wish list. There are things you want to do and things you have to do. You get done what's necessary and fill in with wish list items as you can.

Learning to prioritize ruthlessly isn't giving up, it's being strategic about where your energy creates the most impact.

You Spend More Time with Coworkers Than Family—Set Boundaries

"Setting boundaries isn't about being difficult, it's about recognizing that you're a whole human being with a life outside of work that deserves your presence and attention too."

You're at work at least 40 hours per week, not counting commute time. You get home, handle whatever needs handling, crash into bed, and wake up to do it all again. Your active, awake hours during the week are spent with people you work with, not the people you chose to build a life with. That's a sobering reality check.

When you don't set clear boundaries, you're handing over control of your life to people who don't have the same investment in your well-being that your family does. Without boundaries, work bleeds into everything, emails during dinner, calls during your kid's soccer game, lying awake at 2 AM stressing about tomorrow's meeting.

The hard truth? If you don't protect your personal time and mental space, no one else will. Setting boundaries isn't about being difficult, it's about recognizing that you're a whole human being with a life outside of work that deserves your presence and attention too.

Work Isn't a Popularity Contest

(Unless your job is political, then that's a different story entirely.)

I'm not at work to be everyone's friend. I have a job to do, and as a leader, part of that job is holding others accountable. When you prioritize being liked over being effective, you're not helping anyone. You're creating a workplace where mediocrity gets a free pass, high performers get frustrated, and nothing meaningful gets accomplished.

Good leaders aren't always popular in the moment, but they're respected in the long run. When you hold people accountable fairly and consistently, you're showing them you believe they're capable of more. Sure, some people might grumble when you call out missed deadlines or push back on excuses. But the ones who really want to grow? They appreciate having a leader who cares enough to challenge them.

Your job isn't to be everyone's buddy, it's to create an environment where people can do their best work and achieve results that matter.

Don't Let the Complainers Drag Everyone Down

Toss the red flag at the complainers and shut them down — Some people like to complain, don't let them bring everyone down

This is crucial: you're going to have a small number of people who love to complain. Whether it's about job assignments, project budgets, or outcomes they don't enjoy, not everyone will be happy all the time.

The reality is that most people are reasonable. If you've created a positive work culture, when a job assignment stinks for the day, most people will get it and get it done well. The problem is that complainers are a lot louder than people willing to just do the work.

Just because they're louder doesn't mean you should let them drag the whole team down. Handle the complainer and let the rest of your team move on.

The Leadership Growth Mindset

"The ride is wild, but it's worth it."

When this blog post idea first came to mind, I had countless examples and situations swirling around in my brain like a tornado. I thought about changing names and details to share specific stories, but realized that wouldn't be leadership. Would it have been funny? Absolutely. But it would have been at someone else's expense, and that's not fair.

Here's my advice: write down your examples. Not necessarily to document situations for discipline (though when warranted, do that too), but for reflection. Your reactions to these situations and your responses will grow and evolve over time. Reflecting back helps you witness your own growth and identify areas where you could improve.

Because here's the thing about leadership: it's not about having all the answers from day one. It's about learning, growing, and getting better at navigating the beautiful chaos that comes with leading people. And trust me, there will be plenty of chaos to navigate.

The ride is wild, but it's worth it.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!