Finding Your Leadership Style (Instead of Copying Someone Else's)

linnearader
Jan 14
7 min read

In my early days as a leader, I had two people I tried to emulate. They were great leaders, respected by everyone, and I thought if I could just lead like them, I'd be successful too.

So I copied their approach. I used their phrases. I tried to handle situations the way they would. I even adopted their communication style.

And you know what? It didn't work. Because I wasn't being me. I was being a version of someone else, and it showed.

That realization hit me hard: I was trying to be someone I wasn't. And in doing so, I was actually becoming a worse leader, not a better one.

If you're a new leader trying to figure out how to lead, or an experienced leader feeling like something's not quite right about your approach, this post is for you. Because finding your authentic leadership style isn't about copying someone else's playbook. It's about discovering who you are and leading from that place.

The Emulation Trap

"You need to observe other leaders to understand what effective leadership looks like."

Here's what happens when you first step into leadership. You look around at the leaders you admire and think "I want to be like that." It's natural. It's how we learn most things in life, by watching others and trying to replicate what works.

Leadership styles are typically emulated from someone else. As we work towards becoming leaders, we see what we want to be like and what we don't want to be like. Then, as we become leaders ourselves, we modify the leadership styles that we are emulating and make them our own.

This process isn't wrong. In fact, it's essential. You need to observe other leaders to understand what effective leadership looks like.

But here's where it goes sideways: when you stop at emulation and never move to authenticity.

When I was copying those two leaders I admired, I was missing something crucial. Their leadership style worked for them because it was authentic to who they were. When I tried to use their style, it wasn't authentic to me. People could tell. I could tell. And it wasn't effective.

Learning from Everyone (Even the Bad Examples)

The things I've gained from other leaders include learning everything I can to make smart decisions, collecting data and taking time to dive into a situation before making a knee jerk reaction, the art of storytelling and making real life situations interesting to help people learn and grow, and true compassion for others.

But I've also learned what NOT to do. The things I've observed that I don't want to emulate include overconfidence, leading from ego, making decisions based on who is involved rather than what's right, and antagonizing others.

Everything I've observed has made me who I am. Both good and bad, it's defined me.

This is the key insight: you're not just learning from the leaders you admire. You're learning from every leader you encounter, including the terrible ones. Maybe especially the terrible ones.

That manager who made decisions based on who they liked? They taught you about fairness. That leader who led from ego? They showed you the value of humility. That supervisor who antagonized their team? They demonstrated why psychological safety matters.

Every leadership experience you've had, good or bad, is data. It's information you can use to shape your own approach.

The Moment You Realize You Need Your Own Style

For me, the turning point was realizing I was being someone else other than myself. That's what drove me to watch others more intentionally, learn from others more selectively, read more books, and pick up on leaders from general life beyond just my workplace.

I stopped asking "How would they handle this?" and started asking "How do I want to handle this? What feels right to me? What aligns with my values?"

This shift is uncomfortable because it requires you to trust yourself. To believe that you have something valuable to offer as a leader, even if it looks different from the leaders you admire.

What My Leadership style Actually Looks Like

Now I would describe my leadership as honest and down to earth. I try to understand all aspects of the organization I work for as well as the organizations I go into to work with. By learning more about the organization rather than just what falls within my specific job description, I understand how my decisions, my tasks, my responsibilities impact others.

I lead by asking questions. I ask for input from many people and take that information to make a decision. This doesn't mean I'm wishy washy. It means I'm taking as much information in as I can to make the best decision possible.

I like to think through options. I like to understand how situations have gone in the past to see how we got through it then, how we could do better now. I learn from the past, but try to limit the reliance on filtering new communications through old lenses.

This style works for me because it's authentic to who I am. I'm genuinely curious about how things work. I genuinely value other people's input. I genuinely believe better decisions come from more information and diverse perspectives.

But notice something important: my style is different from those two leaders I initially tried to emulate. Their styles worked for them. This style works for me. Your style will be different from mine. And that's exactly how it should be.

"Finding your authentic leadership style isn't about inventing something completely new. It's about combining what you've learned from others with who you authentically are."

The Elements of Your Authentic Style

Finding your authentic leadership style isn't about inventing something completely new. It's about combining what you've learned from others with who you authentically are.

Think about the leaders you've observed. What qualities do you admire? What approaches resonate with you? What have you seen work effectively?

Now think about yourself. What are your natural strengths? How do you prefer to communicate? What values are non-negotiable for you?

Your authentic leadership style exists at the intersection of these two things: what you've learned about effective leadership and who you authentically are.

For me, that meant borrowing the data-driven approach from one leader, the storytelling ability from another, and the compassion I saw modeled by several people. But I combined those elements in a way that felt natural to me, through asking questions and seeking diverse input before making decisions.

When Outside Guidance Doesn't Feel Right

I've always had people willing to help and guide me. There have been times that the guidance hasn't quite been authentic to me. I'm respectful, take in the knowledge, but still lead in a way that is authentic to myself.

This is important to understand: just because someone gives you advice doesn't mean you have to follow it. Just because a respected leader does things a certain way doesn't mean you have to do them that way.

You can listen to guidance, consider advice, and observe successful leaders while still making your own choices about how you want to lead.

The Ongoing Journey

Finding your leadership style isn't a one-time event. It's an ongoing process of learning, experimenting, and refining.

For people trying to find their own leadership style, I always recommend finding a leadership style that feels authentic and makes them proud of themselves. I also recommend not carving anything in stone, being flexible and always learning and growing.

Your leadership style today won't be exactly the same as your leadership style five years from now. And that's good. You're growing. You're learning. You're becoming more skilled and more authentic.

The Struggle That Shaped My Style

"The things you find difficult, the areas where you've had to grow, these become sources of empathy and understanding that make you a better leader."

The biggest struggle I've had is controlling emotions. I used to have emotions flow out of me like water. It's taken a lot of self-reflection and trial and error to learn how to do better in this area.

This struggle has actually shaped my leadership style in important ways. Because I know how hard it is to manage emotions, I have more empathy for others who struggle with this. Because I've had to work on this deliberately, I understand that leadership skills can be developed with intention and practice.

Your struggles will shape your leadership style too. The things you find difficult, the areas where you've had to grow, these become sources of empathy and understanding that make you a better leader.

Building Your Own Style

So how do you actually do this? How do you move from emulating others to finding your authentic leadership style?

Start with observation. Watch the leaders around you, both the good ones and the terrible ones. Notice what works and what doesn't.

Get honest about yourself. What are your strengths? What do you genuinely value? How do you naturally communicate?

Experiment. Try different approaches. See what feels natural and what feels forced.

Seek feedback. Ask people you trust how they experience your leadership. What do they see as your strengths?

Reflect regularly. Take time to think about what's working and what's not. Are you being true to yourself?

Stay flexible. Your leadership style will evolve. Let it.

The Permission You Need

Here's what I want you to know: you don't have to lead like anyone else. You don't have to be the charismatic visionary if that's not who you are. You don't have to be the data-driven analyst if that doesn't feel natural.

You get to lead as yourself. In fact, you must lead as yourself if you want to be truly effective.

The world doesn't need another copy of someone else's leadership style. The world needs you, leading authentically from who you actually are.

Your team doesn't need you to be perfect. They need you to be genuine. They need you to be honest about what you know and what you don't. They need you to be consistent and authentic.

So stop trying to be the leader you think you should be, and start being the leader you actually are.

Find what works for you. Build on your strengths. Learn from everyone. Stay true to your values. Keep growing. Stay flexible.

That's your leadership style. And it's exactly what your team needs.

What's one element of your authentic leadership style that you're still discovering? Share in the comments. Let's learn from each other's journeys.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!