How to Enjoy the Holidays Without Stress (A Recovering Perfectionist's Guide)
- linnearader
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
Overwhelmed by holiday expectations? Here's how to actually enjoy time with family and friends without losing your mind, from someone who became the Bridezilla of Christmas Eve.
Let me start with a confession: I love the holidays. Like, really love them. I love hosting, having friends and family over, the warmth of everyone gathering together under one roof. I'm one of those people who genuinely gets excited about the chaos and the noise and the togetherness.
But here's the thing I've learned: not everyone feels this way. And even for those of us who adore the holidays, there are still moments where the stress creeps in and threatens to steal our joy. Whether it's the pressure to make everything perfect, the anxiety of family dynamics, or the overwhelming to-do list that seems to grow by the hour, the holidays can quickly go from magical to maddening.
So how do we protect the joy while managing the stress? How do we create meaningful moments without losing ourselves in the process? Here's my how to enjoy holidays without stress!
The Gift-Giving Trap I Fall Into Every Year
Every single year, I tell myself I'm not going to go overboard with gifts. Every single year, I convince myself I'll keep it simple and reasonable. And every single year? I absolutely do not follow through.
Last year my gift giving went into overdrive. I planned to do like 5 decent presents per kid. I ended up with 15-20, not including stocking stuffers and Santa gifts. It was insane. I just kept finding things they would like and buying them.
Especially with my kids, I want each gift to be meaningful, to show thought and intention. I want them to feel special and seen. And somehow, this noble goal turns into me buying way more than I planned, creating a giant pile of gifts stashed in my bedroom and then going shopping, forgetting what I've bought for whom.
The wrapping becomes its own nightmare because I'm never quite sure when I'm actually done shopping. If I wrap things too early, I might forget what's already wrapped and accidentally create an unequal gift situation. The struggle is real, people.
My System for Managing Gift Chaos
"I give Claude all the details I have about what I'm looking for (model numbers, brands, specific features), and he finds me the best deals."
But this year? This year I have a plan. (Yes, I know I say that every year, but stay with me.)
Lists and pictures are going to be my secret weapons. My kids are making their lists, and I'm keeping detailed notes on who's getting what. Then, here's the key: I'm taking pictures of everything I buy before I wrap it. This means I can wrap gifts as I go, even stocking stuffers, without the panic of forgetting what's already been purchased.
And then there's my newest Santa's helper: Claude AI. Whether you use Claude, ChatGPT, or another AI tool, these assistants are incredible for holiday shopping. I give Claude all the details I have about what I'm looking for (model numbers, brands, specific features), and he finds me the best deals. He even set up reminders for me to recheck prices during Black Friday sales.
I don't care which AI you use, but I'm telling you: lean into this technology during the holidays. It will save you time, money, and most importantly, sanity.
When Holiday Perfectionism Takes Over
Here's something that used to drive me absolutely insane: the state of my house before people arrived.
About 4 years ago, I was hustling around the house, cleaning, cooking, getting things ready on what was supposed to be a fun, family-filled day. Instead I became the Bridezilla of Christmas Eve, barking orders, feeling overwhelmed, stressed, a hot mess express.
I would stress about every detail, yell at my children and husband to get them moving and then out of my way, and basically make myself miserable trying to achieve some impossible standard of domestic perfection.
Pretty sure at that point neither my husband nor my boys felt like hosting Christmas was a good idea.
The Moment Everything Changed
"But I'm no longer losing sleep over whether the bathroom is pristine enough or if someone will notice the dust on the ceiling fan."
Then one day, it hit me. People aren't coming to evaluate my baseboards. They're coming to spend time together. They're coming for connection, not to inspect my housekeeping.
I'm honestly not sure that some aren't inspecting my baseboards. I've just realized I don't care if they are. If that's why they are here, they will be very disappointed.
Now, don't get me wrong. My house isn't a disaster. I hire someone to do a deep clean every two weeks, which helps immensely. But I've let go of the idea that everything needs to be spotless. My house is lived-in and loved-in, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't eat off the floor, but I also don't expect my guests to either. Also, if you tried eating off this floor, my giant golden retriever Clyde would tackle you to get to the food, so there's that.
This shift in perspective has been huge for my holiday stress levels. Yes, I still tidy up before people come over. But I'm no longer losing sleep over whether the bathroom is pristine enough or if someone will notice the dust on the ceiling fan.
Why I Always Choose to Host (Even When It's More Work)
Here's my not-so-secret strategy for holiday happiness: I host.
I love hosting. Christmas Eve there's usually 12-15 people, Christmas Day anywhere from 7 to 11. I love being at my house.
When you host, you control the environment. You don't have to coordinate schedules or figure out complicated logistics about who's going where and when. Everyone comes to you. You're in your own space, with your own stuff, on your own turf.
I started the tradition back when my kids were little. It made it so nice not to make them leave the house and pull them away from their new treasures. As they got older, there was at least one year we went to another family member's house for Christmas Eve. It was a good time still, but I enjoy being home and hosting more.
Now that my husband plows snow and is on call, if there's any chance of snow he has to stick pretty close to the house. Traveling would mean we would have to leave him home if it was somewhere else, which would totally not happen. Luckily everyone gets it and wants him involved, so they help us make it work.
Is it more work? Sure. But for me, it's less stress than trying to wrangle my family to multiple locations or adapting to someone else's home and schedule. Plus, I genuinely love it. I love the feeling of opening my home and having it filled with the people I care about.
This year, I keep telling myself I'm going to keep the food simple. I'm not going to over-prepare. I'm not going to make seventeen different side dishes when six would be plenty.
We'll see how that goes. (Spoiler: I'll probably still make too much food. But at least I'm aware of the pattern, right?)
Managing Family Dynamics During the Holidays
Now let's talk about the elephant in the room that shows up at many holiday gatherings: drama.
The holidays have a unique way of bringing together people who don't always spend a ton of time together throughout the year. And with that proximity comes the potential for judgment, tension, and uncomfortable conversations.
We're luckily pretty drama-free at our celebrations. Maybe there's a stray disagreement or frustrating thing, but overall they're pretty lovely. But I've seen what happens at others' gatherings: judgment about decisions, comparison about where people are in life, or the crazy idea that discussing politics is a good idea. (It's not.)
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
"But here's what I want you to know: boundaries aren't mean."
This is where boundaries become essential. And I know, I know. Setting boundaries with family feels hard. It feels awkward. It can feel downright impossible, especially if you come from a family where "boundaries" weren't really a thing growing up.
But here's what I want you to know: boundaries aren't mean. They're not selfish. They're actually one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and your relationships.
Before your holiday gatherings, think about what topics are off-limits for you. Maybe it's your weight, your career choices, your plans for having (or not having) kids, your political views, or your parenting decisions. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to redirect or shut down conversations that cross those lines.
You can do this gently: "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not discussing that today. Let's talk about something else."
Or more firmly: "That topic isn't up for discussion. How about we talk about literally anything else?"
You don't owe anyone access to every aspect of your life, even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.
The Permission You Need to Hear
Here's what I really want you to take away from this: you have permission to enjoy the holidays in a way that works for you.
You have permission to:
Say no to events that drain you
Skip traditions that no longer serve you
Leave gatherings early if you need to
Set boundaries without guilt
Let go of perfection in all its forms
Ask for help when you need it
Take breaks when you're overwhelmed
Create new traditions that fit your current life
Protect your peace, even if it disappoints someone
The holidays are supposed to bring joy, not drain you dry. And sometimes, protecting that joy means making choices that other people don't understand or agree with. That's okay.
What Actually Matters About Holiday Gatherings
I'm not sure exactly when it all changed, and there's probably still a part of me that might worry about getting everything perfect before everyone arrives at times. But I realized what the real purpose of celebrating was about.
Yes, there's absolutely the meaning behind Christmas and that's absolutely important. But I'm talking about why to have everyone together. It's not to compare household cleanliness or discuss crazy politics or differences of opinions. It's to see each other, spend time together, chat, laugh, and have a good time together.
That's the part that matters. Finally realizing that has alleviated a lot of the stress.
When I focus on the people instead of the presentation, the connection instead of the chaos, the laughter instead of the to-do list, everything shifts.
Yes, I still make my lists. Yes, I still probably buy too many gifts and make too much food. Yes, I still want my home to feel welcoming and warm.
But I'm learning to hold it all more loosely. I'm learning that the magic isn't in getting everything perfect. It's in the moment when everyone's gathered around the house, talking over each other and laughing. It's in watching my kids' faces light up. It's in the feeling of a full house and a full heart.
How to enjoy holidays without stress
"Here's to a holiday season filled with presence over perfection, boundaries over burnout, and joy over judgment."
So after all this talk about stress and boundaries and letting go of perfection, here's what actually works:
Before the holidays:
Make your gift lists and take photos of what you buy
Define what "good enough" looks like for your home
Identify your boundary topics ahead of time
Decide what traditions you're keeping vs. letting go
During the holidays:
Focus on connection over perfection
Use your boundary phrases when needed
Take breaks when you're overwhelmed
Remember why you're gathering in the first place
After the holidays:
Reflect on what worked and what didn't
Adjust your approach for next year
Give yourself grace for the imperfect moments
The holidays are going to be imperfect. Your family is going to be imperfect. Your hosting is going to be imperfect. And that's exactly as it should be.
So this year, I'm going to use my lists and my AI assistant and my boundaries and all my little tricks to manage the stress. But more than that, I'm going to give myself permission to actually enjoy it. The mess, the chaos, the too-many-gifts, the slightly-burnt cookies, the awkward conversations, and yes, even the occasional drama.
Because at the end of the day, these are the moments we're making memories from. And I want to remember the joy, not just the stress of trying to make everything perfect.
Here's to a holiday season filled with presence over perfection, boundaries over burnout, and joy over judgment.
Struggling with holiday stress and perfectionism? I help leaders set boundaries and let go of impossible standards. Schedule a free coaching consultation today!
How do you manage holiday stress? What boundaries have you set? Share in the comments below.
As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!
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