Bringing It All Together: How Emotional Intelligence Transforms Leadership

linnearader
Feb 11
8 min read

Over the past several weeks, we've broken down emotional intelligence into its four components: self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and relationship management.

But here's the thing: emotional intelligence may be broken up into four parts, but they really all work together. They're not separate skills you use one at a time. They're interconnected capabilities that show up simultaneously in every interaction, every decision, every challenge you face.

While I didn't really know the term emotional intelligence until several years ago, it's been a part of my entire life and career. I rely on all four areas daily to be able to perform my job well, build relationships both personally and professionally, and live a happy and productive life.

There are examples of how it all works together in so many aspects of my life. Whether it's how I react and respond (or don't) on social media, or what I say when I meet with employees and their representatives. How I think about challenges and build for the future. How I put my business together and the energy I bring to organizations when I work with them.

It's all around. And once you start seeing it, you can't unsee it.

The Most Significant Change

"The faucet is off, or at least on a slow drip."

If I had to point to the most significant overall change in my leadership, it would be this: capping my emotions. The faucet is off, or at least on a slow drip.

I can't react emotionally and build respect or relationships. I can be authentic without spewing my emotions all over the place.

That shift has changed everything. It's changed how people experience me. It's changed what I'm able to accomplish. It's changed the quality of my relationships and my effectiveness as a leader.

But that one change required all four components of emotional intelligence working together. I needed self-awareness to recognize when my emotions were taking over. I needed self-management to control those reactions. I needed social awareness to read how my emotional displays were affecting others. And I needed relationship management skills to rebuild trust with people who'd experienced the unmanaged version of me.

How It All Works Together

I was recently working with a supervisor from another organization who was reacting to a situation with a lot of emotion. Their employee had gone from being greatly improved to the supervisor having the desire to terminate overnight. One situation. One decision.

While there can be situations or decisions that cause drastic changes in employment status or trust, that decision has to be made from a place with as little emotion as possible.

Here's where all four EI components came into play:

I needed self-awareness to recognize that I was watching someone in an emotional state and needed to approach the conversation carefully. I needed social awareness to read their frustration and understand what was driving it. I needed self-management to stay calm and professional instead of getting caught up in their emotional state. And I needed relationship management skills to guide them through tough questions without making them defensive.

After working through it together, they were able to have a calm and productive conversation with their employee and work to find a solution rather than a termination. I'd say that was a huge success.

But it only worked because all four components were operating together. Take one away, and the outcome would have been different. Without social awareness, I wouldn't have read their emotional state correctly. Without self-management, I might have reacted to their frustration with my own. Without relationship management, they might have shut down instead of engaging with the tough questions.

That's how emotional intelligence actually works in real life. It's not compartmentalized. It's integrated.

The Full Circle Moments

Reflection has helped me recognize the need for change

When I'm reflecting on situations, I often get a bit of a chuckle out of thinking what would have been. How I would have handled that situation in the past. How I would have reacted. What I would have said.

The chuckle at times is more of a GAHHH moment, but it's still good to reflect. I've grown. But I've still got a lot of growing to do.

Those moments of reflection are actually self-awareness in action. I'm able to see the gap between who I was and who I am now. I can recognize patterns in my behavior and see where I've made progress.

But they also remind me that this work is never done. There's always another situation that will test me. Always another opportunity to grow. Always another area where I can improve.

What I Wish I'd Known Earlier about emotional intelligence

If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing about emotional intelligence, it would be this: Calm down. Stop. Take a breath. Pause. Think before you act or react. Who do you want to be?

But more than that, I wish I'd realized long ago that perfection isn't the goal. Each decision. Each change. Each step forward is just that, a step in the right direction.

A bad decision or a bad reaction doesn't take you back to step one. It means you're human and you're a work in progress. Keep moving forward.

I wasted so much energy being frustrated with myself for not getting it right. For still making mistakes even after I knew better. For having moments where I reverted to old patterns.

What I understand now is that emotional intelligence isn't about never messing up. It's about messing up less often. Recognizing it faster when you do. Recovering more quickly. Learning from each failure and doing better next time.

The progress isn't linear. You don't steadily improve from point A to point B. You make progress, you slip back, you make more progress, you have a really bad day, you course correct. That's normal. That's how growth actually works.

Where I Still Struggle

"My face still wants to tell the whole story before I've decided what to say."

I'm constantly working on all of the areas through a lot of self-reflection. However, I'd say the area I work on the most is social awareness. Maintaining my composure. Keeping my facial expressions in check.

My face still wants to tell the whole story before I've decided what to say. I still have moments where I'm so focused on what I'm thinking that I miss what's happening in the room. I still occasionally monopolize conversations when I should be listening.

Self-management is also an ongoing challenge. I mentioned in that post that I'm far better at it at work than at home with my son. That's the reality. Your EI development isn't uniform across all contexts. You might be great at managing your emotions in professional settings and still struggle in personal ones.

The key is being honest about where you still need work and continuing to practice the skills even when it's hard.

Maintaining and Growing Your EI

So how do you maintain and continue developing your emotional intelligence? Here's what's become essential for me:

Consistent self-reflection. I regularly think back on interactions and situations. What went well? What didn't? How did I show up? What would I do differently? This isn't about beating myself up. It's about learning from every experience.
Seeking feedback. I've built relationships with people who will tell me the truth about how I'm showing up. They'll call me out if I'm slipping back into old patterns. That only works if you create safety for honest feedback and don't punish people when they give it to you.
Practicing the pause. Before I respond in difficult situations, I pause. Even just a few seconds. That pause is where the choice lives. It's where I decide who I want to be in this moment rather than defaulting to my impulses.
Staying aware of my triggers. I know what pushes my buttons. Lies and misleading statements. People lobbing false accusations. Situations where I feel attacked or undermined. Knowing my triggers helps me prepare for them instead of being blindsided.
Continuing to learn. Reading. Taking assessments. Working with coaches. Engaging with content about emotional intelligence and leadership. The learning never stops because there's always more to understand about yourself and others.
Committing to the work even when it's hard. There are days when I don't want to manage my emotions. Days when I want to just react and let people know exactly how I feel. Days when the effort of maintaining composure and managing relationships feels exhausting. But I do it anyway because I've seen the alternative, and it doesn't work.

The Broader Impact

Beyond my own leadership, I've seen emotional intelligence make a huge difference in the people and organizations around me.

Awareness is first. Being aware is the first step in change. It's made a huge difference when people begin to see themselves in a different light and question their behaviors. Then learning to build and grow is a great thing to watch.

I've seen supervisors who used to manage through fear and intimidation learn to build trust and get better results. I've watched employees who were convinced they were fine realize they had blind spots and start working on them. I've seen entire team dynamics shift when even one person starts developing their emotional intelligence.

The ripple effect is real. When you develop your EI, it doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone you interact with. Your team performs better because you're more effective. Your relationships improve because you're more intentional. Your organization benefits because you're making better decisions and creating a healthier environment.

The Four Components Working Together

Let me bring this full circle by showing you how the four components of emotional intelligence work together in practice:

Self-awareness tells you what you're feeling and how you're showing up. It's the foundation. Without it, you're flying blind.

Social awareness tells you what's happening with the people around you. It helps you read the room and understand perspectives beyond your own.

Self-management gives you control over your reactions. It's the pause between feeling something and acting on it. It's choosing your response instead of defaulting to your impulses.

Relationship management is what you do with all that awareness and control. It's how you navigate conflict, build trust, communicate effectively, and maintain connections even when things get difficult.

Each component builds on the others. You can't manage relationships effectively if you can't manage yourself. You can't manage yourself if you're not aware of what you're feeling. You can't read others accurately if you're completely focused on yourself.

They work together as an integrated system. And when they do, you become exponentially more effective as a leader.

Your Turn

"Your emotional intelligence is what determines your effectiveness as a leader."

If you've been following this series and thinking about your own emotional intelligence, here's what I want you to know:

You can develop this. I did. Countless other leaders have. It's not about being naturally good with people or having some innate gift. It's about being willing to do the work.

Start with self-awareness. Get assessed. Ask for feedback. Start paying attention to how you show up and how others experience you.

Then work on managing yourself. Practice the pause. Identify your triggers. Define who you want to be and start making choices that align with that vision.

Pay attention to others. Read the room. Notice body language. Pick up on the signals people are sending even when they're not using words.

And invest in your relationships. Be consistent. Follow through. Have the difficult conversations. Build trust through your actions, not just your words.

The work is hard. It's ongoing. You'll mess up. You'll have moments where you revert to old patterns. That's normal. That's human. The key is to keep working at it anyway.

Because at the end of the day, your emotional intelligence is what determines your effectiveness as a leader. Not your technical skills. Not your intelligence. Not your credentials or experience.

Your ability to understand yourself, read others, manage your reactions, and build strong relationships. That's what makes the difference between being a leader people have to follow and being a leader people want to follow.

That's what makes the difference between struggling and thriving.

That's what makes the difference between just having a job and actually making an impact.

Your emotional intelligence is your leadership superpower. Time to start developing it.

This concludes our emotional intelligence series. What's been your biggest takeaway? What area of EI are you committed to working on? Share your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear where you are in your journey.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!