The Vulnerability Advantage: Why Authentic Leaders Show Their Human Side
- linnearader
- Jul 2
- 8 min read
Updated: Jul 8
"Most leaders run from vulnerability like it's kryptonite. They think showing any weakness will undermine their authority or make their team lose confidence in them. Nothing could be further from the truth."
What does vulnerability mean in leadership? Google says vulnerability is defined as: “being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” Who enjoys that?!?! Look at the words; attached…harmed, who would want to be vulnerable? Nobody.
Now what if I told you that in leadership being vulnerable is important? Here's the thing, most leaders run from vulnerability like it's kryptonite. They think showing any weakness will undermine their authority or make their team lose confidence in them. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The Myth: Strong Leaders Never Show Weakness
Let me paint you a picture with some real examples. (Names and details have been changed to protect the... well, the human!)
Example 1: Marcus and the Impossible Standards
Marcus has been a department head for 8 years. He's built his reputation on being the guy who "has it all together." When his team faces challenges, Marcus never admits when he's struggling with a solution. Instead, he retreats to his office, works late into the night trying to figure things out alone, and presents polished solutions.
During a particularly challenging time, when the company was implementing new software, Marcus's team was drowning. They were frustrated, making mistakes, and morale was tanking. But Marcus? He acted like everything was under control. He never acknowledged the difficulty of the transition or admitted that he was also struggling to learn the new system.
Example 2: Sarah and the Perfectionist Trap
Sarah leads a public works department with a team of twelve people. She's incredibly talented and has a track record of successful board meeting presentations. But Sarah has never let her team see her stumble. When a major resident issue went sideways because of miscommunication, Sarah spent the entire debrief session focused on what the team could have done differently. She never mentioned that she was beating herself up about not having a backup plan, or that she felt responsible for not anticipating the problem.
Her team left that meeting feeling like they had failed their "perfect" leader, when in reality, Sarah was struggling with the same feelings of disappointment and frustration.
So what's the result of this approach? Face value, these leaders might look strong and in control. But what are the true ripple effects of leaders who refuse to show vulnerability?
A lack of authentic vulnerability can kill trust, innovation, and team connection. There are five categories of consequences: team trust erosion, innovation stagnation, communication breakdown, individual isolation, and cultural rigidity. All these consequences directly impact each other like a cycle that gets harder and harder to break.
Team Trust: The Foundation That Crumbles
"Here's the kicker, teams actually trust leaders MORE when they show appropriate vulnerability. When you admit you don't have all the answers, your team trusts that you'll be honest with them about other important things too."
The Perfection Barrier
When leaders never show vulnerability, they create an impossible standard. Team members start to believe they need to be perfect too, which means they stop taking risks, stop admitting mistakes, and stop asking for help when they need it.
The Connection Gap
Teams connect with leaders they can relate to. When you never show your human side, you create a disconnect between yourself and your team. They see you as untouchable, unreachable, and frankly, unreal.
The Trust Deficit
Here's the kicker, teams actually trust leaders MORE when they show appropriate vulnerability. When you admit you don't have all the answers, your team trusts that you'll be honest with them about other important things too.
Innovation Impact: Playing It Safe
"Think about it, when do you learn the most? When everything goes perfectly, or when you make a mistake and have to figure out how to fix it?"
The Risk-Averse Environment
When leaders never model vulnerability they never show that it's okay to try something and fail. Teams become afraid of taking risks. Innovation requires experimentation, and experimentation means sometimes falling flat on your face.
The Learning Shutdown
Without vulnerability, there's no real learning happening. Think about it, when do you learn the most? When everything goes perfectly, or when you make a mistake and have to figure out how to fix it? I’m not sure about you, but I recall what I’ve learned far more
when I’ve made a mistake and figured out how to fix it.
The Creativity Killer
Creative solutions come from collaborative thinking. But if team members are afraid to share half-formed ideas or admit they're struggling with a concept, you lose out on all that creative potential. Your team won’t discuss things, try throwing ideas out to see what sticks, or generally work as a team.
Communication Breakdown: The Silence That Speaks Volumes
The Feedback Fear
Teams stop giving honest feedback to leaders who never show vulnerability. If you seem perfect and untouchable, who's going to tell you when you're missing the mark, when they need help, when they have ideas?
The Problem Hiding
When team members don't see you struggle with challenges, they start hiding their own problems. They think they should be able to handle everything themselves, just like you seem to.
The Support Gap
Without vulnerability, you can't model how to ask for help. Your team never learns that it's not only okay but essential to reach out when they're in over their heads.
Bringing It Full Circle: Revisiting Marcus and Sarah
Now that we understand the ripple effects of avoiding vulnerability, let's go back to our examples.
What Marcus's "Strength" Really Cost
Marcus's refusal to show vulnerability during the software transition had massive consequences:
Team Trust Impact – His team started to doubt whether Marcus really understood what they were going through. They felt alone in their struggles and began to lose confidence in his leadership.
Innovation Impact – Team members stopped suggesting alternative approaches because Marcus seemed to have everything figured out. They missed opportunities for creative solutions.
Communication Impact – Nobody wanted to admit they were struggling because Marcus never did. Problems festered until they became major issues.
The True Cost of Sarah's Perfectionism
Sarah's inability to show vulnerability after the board meeting disaster created lasting damage:
Individual Impact – Her team members internalized the failure as their own shortcoming, missing the opportunity to learn from a shared experience.
Cultural Impact – The team culture became one where mistakes were shameful rather than learning opportunities.
Trust Impact – Team members started to question whether Sarah would support them if they made mistakes, leading to a more cautious, less innovative approach.
Building a Culture of Authentic Vulnerability
"Don't be afraid to ask your team for help with challenges you're facing. This doesn't make you look weak, it makes you look smart enough to leverage the expertise around you."
We can always learn to do more or do better. This information isn't about pointing out what's wrong, it's about raising our awareness so we can learn and grow. Here are five ways to build authentic vulnerability into your leadership:
1. Be Appropriately Transparent About Your Challenges
Share your struggles in a way that's helpful, not overwhelming. You don't need to dump all your problems on your team, but acknowledging when you're working through something difficult shows them it's normal to face challenges.
When you're learning something new alongside your team, say so. When you make a mistake, own it and talk about what you learned. When you don't have all the answers, admit it and involve your team in finding solutions.
2. Create Safe Spaces for Others to Be Vulnerable
Model the behavior you want to see. In team meetings, start by sharing something you're working on or a challenge you're facing. Ask for input. Show that you value their perspectives and that you don't expect to have all the answers.
When team members share struggles or admit mistakes, respond with curiosity and support, not judgment. This creates a culture where vulnerability is seen as strength, not weakness.
3. Implement Regular "Learning Moments"
During your regular check-ins, don't just talk about what's going well. Talk about what's challenging, what you're learning, and where you need to grow. Make it normal to discuss struggles alongside successes.
Create team retrospectives where everyone shares what they learned from recent challenges or failures. Celebrate the learning, not just the winning.
4. Show Your Decision-Making Process
Instead of just presenting final decisions, show your team how you work through complex problems. Share your thought process, your uncertainties, and how you weigh different options.
When you change your mind about something, explain why. This shows that good leaders are willing to adapt and learn, not that they're wishy-washy.
5. Ask for Help and Feedback Openly
Don't be afraid to ask your team for help with challenges you're facing. This doesn't make you look weak, it makes you look smart enough to leverage the expertise around you.
Regularly ask for feedback on your leadership. And when you get it, respond with gratitude and visible action. This shows that you're committed to growth and that you value their input.
Vulnerability in Action: How Marcus's Situation Could Transform
Using these tools, how could Marcus have approached the software transition differently?
First, Marcus could have acknowledged the challenge from the beginning. Something like: "This new software is going to be a learning curve for all of us, myself included. Let's figure this out together."
He could have shared his own struggles with learning the system and asked for input from team members who might be picking it up faster in certain areas.
Marcus could have implemented regular check-ins focused on learning and problem-solving rather than just status updates. This would have created space for everyone to share challenges and solutions.
Finally, he could have celebrated the mistakes and learning moments, showing his team that struggling with something new is not just okay, it's expected and valuable.
Transforming Sarah's Perfectionism Through Authentic Leadership
Sarah's situation after the board meeting disaster could have been a powerful team-building moment:
Instead of focusing only on what the team could have done differently, Sarah could have started by acknowledging her own role and feelings: "I'm disappointed about how that went, and I'm sure you are too. I keep thinking about what I could have done to prevent that communication breakdown."
She could have opened up the conversation to include everyone's perspectives on what happened and how they all felt about it, creating a shared experience rather than a blame session.
Sarah could have used this as an opportunity to talk about how she handles setbacks and what she's learned about preparation and backup planning throughout her career.
Most importantly, she could have shown her team that even experienced leaders have difficult moments and that the key is how we learn and grow from them together.
Your Vulnerability Journey: Reflection and Next Steps
"Vulnerability isn't about oversharing or appearing weak. It's about being authentically human in a way that builds trust, encourages growth, and creates stronger teams."
Think about examples in your own leadership or from leaders you admire who show authentic vulnerability. What impact did that have on you or their teams? How did it change the way you approached your own challenges?
On the flip side, think about times when you or leaders you've worked with avoided vulnerability. What was the cost? What opportunities for connection and growth were missed?
Remember, vulnerability isn't about oversharing or appearing weak. It's about being authentically human in a way that builds trust, encourages growth, and creates stronger teams.
Start small. In your next team meeting, share one thing you're working on or learning. Ask for input on a challenge you're facing. Show your team that you're human too.
And, as always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!
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