The Art of Setting Professional Boundaries: Teaching Employees When to Say No
- linnearader
- May 28
- 9 min read
This blog post builds on an earlier Leadership Problem Solver post, "Supporting Your Overwhelmed Employee."
Our Complicated Relationship with 'No': From Toddlerhood to Professional Life
The word "no" is one of the first words most of us learned as children. We were toddling around, getting into things and heard it REGULARLY, so what did we do? We repeated it REGULARLY. The teenager years came in and we found our favorite word once again. But then, somewhere along the line, we lost it again.
Understanding the Reluctance: Why Setting Boundaries at Work is Difficult
Telling a co-worker or boss no at work is difficult. Getting to the bottom of why it is so difficult can help us figure out how to get past it. The "why's" I've identified are:
Fear of not being seen as a team player. We know that if we say no, someone else is going to have to say yes. This leaves us feeling like we aren't playing our part on the team by not being that yes person.
Career anxiety. If we say no, we think it will negatively impact our career progression. Saying no will keep us from a promotion or keep us from having other opportunities.
People Pleasing. Most of us generally like making people happy. Those of us with that feeling that aren't skilled in saying no, will feel like we are letting people down or upsetting them by saying no, so we just say yes!
Unclear priorities. If we don't know what the priorities are, EVERYTHING is a priority. Maybe what I was working on was the priority, now maybe this is. If priorities are unclear, the fact that someone is asking for something else changes the priority and the new request becomes the new focus.
Organizational Culture/Pressure. Is there an expectation that every request is fulfilled? Often the feeling, even if not the actual expectation, is that a request is met with action. If this is the culture within the organization then saying no may not even feel like it is an option. Beyond that, there may be a feeling of pressure to accept requests (or demands) and fulfill the need.
Unclear expectations. Like unclear priorities, if expectations of an individual or team are not clear, the new request or ask will seem like a change of expectation and the new task will become the new expectation.
The Business Case for Boundaries: Why You Want Employees to Say No
There are so many reasons not to say no, why are we even talking about saying it? Well, there are incredibly good reasons why you want your employees to learn this art of saying no.
Prioritized Work: Getting What Matters Done
You want your team to work on what is most important. Use this as an example: George is working on project A. As George's boss you come over and ask him to also complete B, C, and D. George nods and starts working on C, leaving A unfinished. When you asked about B, C, and D, they were just tasks that would be helpful to have completed, but C and D specifically could be done any time in the next 6 months. A and B need to be done by tomorrow. Since there was no communication or understanding of what priorities or deadlines existed, George did what he thought was best and now deadlines for A and B are both going to be missed.
George did what he thought was best by not saying no to anything you, his boss, asked of him. He did what he thought was right, attempting to juggle all your requests. The reality was, there was no way George could have gotten both projects done on time regardless. If he kept at it, his initial project (A) would have been done well and completed on time. But, because of the uncertainty in priorities, it turns out nothing is now completed in a timely manner.
Protecting Human Capital: Reducing Workplace Stress, Burnout and Turnover
The stress that rises in employees that don't yet have the ability to say "no" can be debilitating. Watching the pile of job tasks that they couldn't say no to (for whatever reason) creates constant mental stress that starts from the moment they wake up to the time they go to sleep and often many times throughout the night. The increase in stress triggers physiological responses such as elevated cortisol levels, disrupted sleep schedules, and even decreased cognitive function.
The increased workload starts as being a little overwhelmed from time to time, but without intervention will slowly transform into constant anxiety which will change the way you make decisions, react to situations, and hinder your ability to think creatively, and problem solve.
Thousands of reluctant "yeses" that should have been professional "no's" build. The stress and anxiety turn to burn out. It's not overnight, it's something that can build over weeks, months, even years. The overcommitment caused by not saying "no" when they should, will cause your employees to burnout, resulting in emotional exhaustion, increased negativity, or cynicism, and reduced professional outputs.
If an employee reaches true burnout, productivity plummets by an estimated 30-40%, creating a situation in which the employee can't win. They will work longer hours attempting to make up for the workload, but the results of that effort will be minor to non-existent, creating a downward spiral that employees have a tough time ever coming back from. The uncontrolled stress and the impending burnout will cause your employees to exit your organization.
Ensuring your employees have effective boundary setting skills and have the confidence to say no, you're not just reducing workplace stress and burnout, you're preserving their intellectual resources for work that really matters. Organizations known for respecting boundaries attract higher-quality talent at lower recruitment costs. By investing in "no-saying" skills development, you're simultaneously strengthening the retention of current employees while enhancing your employer brand for future recruitment.
Quality Over Quantity: Improving Work Outputs
If you look at the information already provided, think of the advantages of teaching your employees to say "no" – getting better results! Work quality improves substantially. Being able to focus on completing an appropriate number of tasks very well is far more important and productive to your organization than completing a vast number of tasks poorly.
There's extensive research proving that multitasking is a misnomer. Your brain cannot focus on two (or more) complex tasks at a time and do both well. Think of the last time you tried to have an engaging phone conversation while simultaneously writing a memo to your team. Neither went well, did they? The phone conversation was full of strange silences, you can't remember the details of what was discussed. The memo when you read it later is grammatically flawed and misses key points. Neither are completed with your normal expertise.
Google's 20% Rule: How Strategic Boundary Setting Drives Innovation
When your team has time to breathe, time to think, time to be successful, they will bring greater innovation and success to your organization. When you teach your employees that they can set the boundaries necessary to be appropriately busy, it ensures that there is appropriate time for their brains to process the work they are doing. With that time and processing comes creative thinking and experimentation, leading to greater innovation.
Google is a perfect example of how the professional "no" can increase innovation. Almost since the beginning of Google, the company formalized a 20%-time policy. This policy allowed their engineers to dedicate 20% of their time each week to tasks that aren't included in their core responsibilities but are projects that they are enthusiastic about. The policy created a culture surrounding the art of the professional "no" to regular work for a portion of each employee's time to create space for creative thinking and experimentation.
While the 20% rule may seem like a theoretically cool idea, it truly goes beyond theory. Some of Google's greatest products came from this 20% time, proving that the theory in practice works. Gmail, AdSense, and Google Maps are phenomenally successful products, all coming from this creative time in which employees said "no" to their regular work.
For organizations looking to boost innovation, Google's approach demonstrates how the professional "no" isn't about rejection, but rather about intentional selection. When employees have permission to say no to certain tasks, ensuring the opportunity to think and process, the entire organization benefits from unexpected breakthroughs and fresh perspectives. This institutionalized "no" transforms from a negative refusal into a positive affirmation of innovation priorities and creative potential.
Empowering Your Team: How to Teach the Professional No
We've dissected why our employees struggle to say no and we've dug into why we want them to say no, here is how to teach them to say it:
Model from the Top: Leadership in Action
You want your employees to learn to say no, then let them see you doing it yourself. This can include declining meetings that don't have a clear agenda or objective or pushing back on deadlines that are not realistic. It can also be modeled by being transparent yourself when your plate is full. Sharing your decision-making criteria on what you're able to say yes to and what you say no to will also model what you want from your team. Leading by example is huge in leadership, including learning to say no.
Decision-Making Framework: Creating Clear Criteria
Create that Decision Making Framework. You have a set of criteria you utilize to figure out what you can and can't do, help your team develop theirs. Criteria should include:
Determining if the task aligns with their already established priorities.
Are they truly the right person for the job? Are they being asked to take on the job because they are sitting right next to someone who thought of it? Are they in the office that day while someone who may be a better fit is working remotely? If the ask is based on proximity rather than fit, it's time to say no!
What other project or task will have to take a backseat if this new task is added?
What is the timeline for the project, and will it fit appropriately into their schedule?
Who is making the request? Is this request coming from a boss? Co-worker? A member of your team? There are reasons TO say no and reasons NOT to say no based on each level of the hierarchy. It's important to understand what those individual reasons are so each person's criteria is easier to navigate in the moment.
Alternative Responses: The Language of Boundary Setting
Teach your team appropriate alternative responses to use to say "no." Planning ahead makes responses more meaningful and appropriate. Some examples:
"I can help with project A, but not project B."
"I am happy to take on this new project after I complete my current project."
"This project isn't quite in my wheelhouse, but co-worker B does similar tasks."
"I can complete this project IF the timeline is XYZ instead of ABC."
"Can we discuss the details of this project further to see if it is possible?"
Practice Makes Progress: Role Playing and Building Confidence
Role play and practice with your team. Just like planning responses ahead helps make them more meaningful and appropriate, practicing builds muscle memory and ensures success in uncomfortable situations. Practicing in team meetings, creating scripts or templates, and giving each other feedback will help build the necessary confidence.
Cultural Foundations: Addressing Organizational Barriers
Address any organizational barriers. Organizational cultures need to embrace saying "no" when necessary for teams to be successful with this practice. If telling your team that it's ok to say no, but then later bringing it up in a performance appraisal, will NOT build success. Your actions and words need to match. Organizational barriers to this success include the overloading of job and not communicating expectations clearly, overloading individuals, having a professional "no" be brought up in a performance appraisal, and inconsistency within the hierarchy of the organization about the topic.
Ready-to-Use Scripts: Professional No in Practice
Building upon points 3 and 4, here are some additional scripts to share with your team to help them succeed:
Managing New Requests
"This looks interesting, but my plate is very full right now with priority projects. Can we discuss what might be shifted to accommodate this new project?"
Negotiating Unrealistic Deadlines
"I want to deliver quality work on this project. Based on my current workload and the timeline it'll take me to complete this project, I could complete it by XYZ. Would this timeline work for you? Or should we discuss reducing the scope of the project or assigning it to someone else?"
Addressing Scope Creep
"The scope of this project is morphing beyond what we originally discussed. I'm happy to discuss including the new elements, but we need to review the timeline and available resources to ensure I can deliver a quality project."
Clarifying Unclear Requirements
"To ensure I provide the outcomes that you're looking for, would you clarify the duties and your expectations for the project? I'd also like to review the timeline you have in mind to ensure I can meet your needs. This information will help me determine if I can commit to this project effectively."
Setting After-Hours Boundaries
"I've received your message and want to acknowledge it. I will address your request/concern/idea/etc. during my working hours tomorrow when I can give it my full attention."
Taking Action: Empower Your Team to Set Healthy Boundaries This Week
Again, scripts, practicing, role playing can greatly assist your team in preparing to utilize the professional "no" when needed. Make sure to create a supportive environment to foster this growth. And remember, don't be the over-asker; ask questions, don't make demands, and be reasonable and understanding of your team. Being able to say no professionally and effectively is essential to empower your team to say yes to what matters most.
Do your team members feel empowered to say "no?" Take the time THIS WEEK to start asking more questions and listening to your team's response. What tool will you utilize first in moving your team forward? Post your response in the comments!
And, as always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!
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