Leadership with Children: The Most Important Leadership Role You'll Ever Have

linnearader
Jun 18
6 min read

Leading children isn't about being the boss—it's about being the guide. It's about showing them how to navigate the world with confidence, kindness, and resilience.

Leadership isn't a title, and it definitely isn't something that only happens in boardrooms. Some of the most crucial leadership opportunities happen at home, around dinner tables, and in the everyday moments with our kids.

Before we dive in, let me be crystal clear: I'm not a perfect parent. Not even close. I'm just a mom who's constantly learning, sometimes failing, but never giving up. If you're looking for parenting perfection, you won't find it here. What you will find are real insights about how the leadership skills we use at work can transform our parenting—and how parenting can make us better leaders everywhere else.

Why Parenting IS Leadership

Think about it. Every day, we're guiding little humans who will someday be adults making their own decisions. We're teaching them how to problem-solve, communicate, handle failure, and treat others. If that's not leadership, I don't know what is.

The difference? The stakes are higher, the timeline is longer, and there's no HR department to call when things go sideways.

Five Game-Changing Leadership Principles for Parents

Linnea and Colton at the lantern exhibit at John Ball Zoo

1. Model the Way (Because They're Always Watching)

Kids don't do what we say—they do what we do.

You know that saying "do as I say, not as I do"? Yeah, that's probably the least effective leadership advice ever. Kids don't do what we say—they do what we do.

The Reality Check: If your car is a disaster zone but you're constantly telling your kids to

clean their rooms, guess what message they're really receiving? If you manage stress by yelling but expect them to stay calm under pressure, you're setting them up for confusion.

Try This: Before you ask your child to do something, ask yourself, "Am I modeling this behavior?" It's uncomfortable sometimes, but it's honest.

Personal Example: My house isn't always spotless (understatement of the year), and my kids' rooms? Don't even get me started. But I model keeping shared spaces reasonably tidy and taking care of my responsibilities. It's not perfect, but it's consistent.

2. Empower, Don't Enable

The Question That Changes Everything: 'What decisions am I making for my child that they could make (or help make) themselves?

Here's where it gets tricky. We want to help our kids succeed, but sometimes our "help" actually holds them back.

The Problem: Kids often feel like they have no control over their lives. They don't choose their school, their schedule, or even what's for dinner most days. That lack of control can lead to frustration and acting out.

The Solution: Look for opportunities to give them age-appropriate choices and let them experience natural consequences.

Instead of solving their problems, try this:

Friend drama? Ask "What do you think you could do?" before jumping in to fix it.
Forgot homework? Let them figure out how to talk to their teacher instead of emailing the teacher yourself.
Need a job? Help them brainstorm where to apply but let them do the legwork.

The Question That Changes Everything: "What decisions am I making for my child that they could make (or help make) themselves?"

3. Set Clear Expectations and Follow Through (Consistency Creates Security)

Great leaders set clear expectations and follow through consistently. Kids need the same thing. I know, I know—sometimes it feels easier to let things slide or make exceptions "just this once." But here's what I've learned: inconsistency creates chaos, and chaos creates anxiety.

Why This Matters: Children actually crave boundaries. They want to know what's expected and what happens if they don't meet those expectations. It creates a sense of security and predictability that helps them feel safe to explore and grow.

The Leadership Approach: Think of boundaries like guardrails on a mountain road. They're not there to restrict the journey—they're there to keep everyone safe while they navigate.

What This Looks Like:

If the rule is "homework before screen time," stick to it even when they're tired (or you're tired)
If the consequence for not cleaning their room is losing their phone for the evening, follow through every time.
If bedtime is 8:30, don't let it slide to 9:00 just because you don't want to deal with the pushback.

The Game Changer: Involve your kids in setting some of the expectations. Ask them, "What do you think is a reasonable time to have your chores done?" When they help create the rules, they're more likely to follow them.

Personal Reality Check: Am I perfect at this? Absolutely not. There are days when I'm exhausted and it would be so much easier to just give in. But I've learned that consistency today prevents bigger battles tomorrow. And my kids, even when they're grumbling about the rules, actually seem more relaxed when they know what to expect.

4. Focus on Their Strengths (Every Child Has Superpowers)

Here's something I wish I'd learned earlier in my parenting journey: the best leaders don't spend all their time fixing weaknesses—they identify strengths and help people develop them. The same principle applies to our kids.

The Shift: Instead of constantly pointing out what your child isn't good at, become their biggest fan for what they ARE good at. This doesn't mean ignoring areas that need improvement, but it means leading with their strengths.

Why This Works: When kids feel seen and valued for their unique talents, their confidence grows. And confident kids are more willing to take on challenges and work on their weaker areas.

What This Looks Like:

Your child is naturally empathetic but struggles with math? Acknowledge their emotional intelligence while still supporting their math homework.
They're creative but messy? Find ways to channel that creativity while teaching organizational skills.
They're great at problem-solving but struggle to sit still? Let them be the family "fix-it" person while working on focus strategies.

The Leadership Question: "What is my child naturally drawn to, and how can I help them develop that further?"

Real Talk: Sometimes their strengths don't match what we hoped for or expected. Maybe you were a star athlete and your kid loves art. Maybe you're super organized, and your child is a creative free spirit. Leading them well means nurturing THEIR strengths, not the ones we wish they had.

Try This: Spend one week actively looking for and commenting on your child's strengths. "I noticed how you helped your little brother when he was upset. You're really good at making people feel better." Watch how they light up when they feel truly seen.

5. Communicate Like the Leader You Are

The best leaders are great communicators. They listen more than they talk, ask thoughtful questions, and create safe spaces for honest conversation.

With kids, this means:

Really listening when they talk (even if it's about something that seems trivial to you)
Asking "How did that make you feel?" instead of immediately jumping to solutions.
Being honest (in age-appropriate ways) about your own struggles and mistakes

Game Changer: Try active listening. Repeat back what you heard them say before you respond. "So, you're saying that when your friend didn't invite you to the party, it made you feel left out?" This simple technique shows them they're heard and teaches them how to listen to others.

The Leadership Mindset Shift

Instead of thinking 'How do I get my kid to obey?' I ask, 'How do I guide my child to make good decisions when I'm not around?

Here's what I've learned: when I approach parenting challenges with a leadership mindset instead of a "because I said so" mindset, everything changes.

Instead of thinking "How do I get my kid to obey?" I ask, "How do I guide my child to make good decisions when I'm not around?"

Instead of "How do I fix this problem?" I ask, "How do I help my child develop the skills to manage this themselves?"

It's the difference between managing and leading. And honestly? It's harder in the short term but pays dividends in the long run.

Your Turn: One Thing to Try This Week

Pick one area where you've been making decisions for your child. Maybe it's choosing their clothes, solving their friend problems, or organizing their backpack. This week, step back and let them take the lead. Guide them, support them, but don't do it for them.

Yes, it might be messier. Yes, it might take longer. But you're building a future adult, not just managing the current situation.

The Bottom Line

Leading children isn't about being the boss—it's about being the guide. It's about showing them how to navigate the world with confidence, kindness, and resilience.

Some days we'll nail it. Some days we'll mess it up spectacularly. But every day, we get another chance to lead them well.

Because here's the truth: the children we're raising today will be the leaders, parents, and community members of tomorrow. The way we lead them now shapes the way they'll lead others later.

That's a responsibility—and an opportunity—worth taking seriously.

What's one leadership principle that's transformed your parenting? I'd love to hear about it in the comments. And if you're a parent struggling with finding that balance between helping and enabling, know that you're not alone. We're all figuring it out as we go.