Find Your Community: Why You Can't Lead Alone

linnearader
Oct 8
6 min read

Updated: Oct 9

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You aren't alone. I don't care what type of work you do, someone else out there does something mildly similar to exactly the same thing, or at least some variation of it. The question is: how do you find your people?

The blog post from earlier this week talked about finding your why. Today, we're going to talk about finding your who.

The Isolation of Leadership

"But regardless of the field, leadership challenges have something in common: they can make you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

Here's something nobody tells you when you step into leadership: it can feel incredibly lonely.

You might work in a building full of people. You might manage a team of dozens. But when you're the one making the final call, when you're the one who has to balance competing priorities and deal with the fallout when things go wrong, there aren't many people who truly understand what that feels like.

We all face challenges. Some are life and death if you're like my friends who work in the healthcare field. Some affect the growth and education of our future if you're in education or raising kids. Public works employees face challenges that impact their communities' safety and quality of life every single day.

But regardless of the field, leadership challenges have something in common: they can make you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Like you're the only one who's ever dealt with this particular mess. Like there's no one who could possibly understand the complexity of what you're navigating.

That feeling? It's a lie.

Carrying the world in your hand — You don't have to carry the weight of the world

The Network You Need

When I get stressed at work, really stressed, I feel isolated. I convince myself that nobody gets it, that I'm alone in this, that the burden is entirely mine to bear.

Reality? It isn't. I have a network of people I can contact who can help me through. Whether they're in my organization or a neighboring one, they're there. They've been where I am. They've faced similar challenges. And they're willing to pick up the phone or grab coffee and talk it through.

The same is true at home. When I'm frustrated or overwhelmed, I have friends who will answer the phone, meet me for a pedicure, grab lunch. I'm not alone in navigating parenting, relationships, or life's general chaos.

You aren't alone either. But here's the catch, you have to build that network before you need it.

The Arrogance of Youth (and My Hard Lesson)

"Years of learning lessons the hard way that I could have learned through conversation."

Let me tell you about my early days in public works. I'd attend conferences and there was all this "networking" time built into the schedule. Breaks between sessions. Lunch periods. Evening social events.

I was young and very sure of myself. I was convinced networking was a waste of time. Those people obviously didn't have nearly enough work to keep them busy if they could stand around chatting. I had real work to do. Important work. I didn't need to make small talk with strangers.

I was an arrogant child.

Those people? They had plenty to do. They were building their networks so they weren't alone when they needed to phone a friend. They were investing in relationships that would pay dividends when they hit a wall and needed someone who'd been there before. They were much smarter than I was.

It took me years to realize my error. Years of struggling through challenges I could have navigated more easily with guidance. Years of feeling isolated in situations where dozens of people in my field had already developed solutions. Years of learning lessons the hard way that I could have learned through conversation.

Don't make my mistake. Build your network now.

The Practical Reality of Building Community

"You don't have to dominate it or be the life of the party, just be present."

So how do you actually do this? Especially if you're not naturally outgoing or if the idea of networking makes you want to hide under your desk?

Show Up

If you're able to attend professional meetings or conferences in your field, go. I know, travel is expensive, time away from work is complicated, and you're already overwhelmed. But these gatherings exist for a reason. They're where you meet people who face the same challenges you do.

And when there's break time, lunch time, or evening activities? Go to those too. I'm not talking about forced corporate team-building exercises, I mean the informal times when people actually talk to each other like human beings.

Sit at the Full Table

A group sitting around the table networking. — Sit at the table and be present

When you walk into that conference lunch, don't grab a seat at an empty table and pull out your phone. Sit where there are already people. Join the conversation. You don't have to dominate it or be the life of the party, just be present.

This goes for your kids' sporting events too. Sit with the other parents. Say hi. You're all there for the same reason. That shared experience is the foundation for connection.

To My Introverted Friends

I know some of you just felt your stomach drop. The idea of walking up to a table full of strangers and inserting yourself into their conversation sounds like actual torture. I get it.

But here's what I also know: my introverted friends often have the hardest time speaking up during challenges to let anyone know they need help. You shoulder burdens alone because reaching out feels even harder than continuing to struggle. And that's exactly why building a network is so critical for you, even more than for naturally outgoing people.

I'm not saying you need to strike up hundreds of conversations a day or become a social butterfly. I'm saying put yourself in a position at the lunch table where you can participate in the conversation if you want to. Attend the function. Meet a few people, even just one or two, and be kind. That's it.

You don't have to perform. You don't have to be someone you're not. Just be approachable. Be present. Put the phone away and actually see people. The relationships will come.

The First Reach-Out

"You help build the bridges and create the relationships that make everyone's load lighter."

Once you've built even a small network, you have to actually use it. And this is where it gets vulnerable.

The next time you face a real challenge, when you're stressed and need someone who's been in your shoes, reach out. Send that email. Make that call. Ask that question.

The first few times are going to feel hard. You'll wonder if you're bothering them. You'll feel exposed admitting you don't have all the answers. You'll worry about looking incompetent or weak.

Do it anyway.

Because here's what happens when you take that risk: you open doors. Not just for yourself, but for that other person who's been struggling alone with the same issue. For the colleague who hit a wall and wasn't sure what to do next. For the parent who's drowning in the challenges of raising kids and thought they were the only one finding it this hard.

When you reach out, you give others permission to do the same. You help build the bridges and create the relationships that make everyone's load lighter. And suddenly you start to realize you're never actually alone.

The Investment That Pays Forever

"You have to show up, be present, and have the courage to reach out when it gets hard."

Building a network isn't about collecting business cards or LinkedIn connections. It's not about using people or keeping score of who owes whom a favor.

It's about creating genuine relationships with people who understand your world. People who can say, "Yeah, I dealt with that exact situation last year, here's what worked for us." People who can listen when you need to vent and know exactly why you're frustrated. People who can celebrate your wins because they know how hard those wins were to achieve.

These relationships become your lifeline during the tough times. They become your sounding board when you're not sure what to do next. They become the reminder that you're not the first person to face this challenge, and you won't be the last.

You Are Not Alone

Split image of a smiling woman and man talking on phones. Woman in a light room, man in a bright room with shelves. Warm, friendly mood. — You aren't alone. Build your network.

Whatever you're dealing with, the impossible deadline, the difficult personnel situation, the budget that doesn't add up, the community criticism that feels personal, the parenting struggle that makes you question everything, someone else has been there.

But you have to build the connections that let you access that wisdom and support. You have to invest in relationships before you desperately need them. You have to show up, be present, and have the courage to reach out when it gets hard.

Because leadership is challenging enough without doing it in isolation. Your community is out there, waiting to connect with you.

You just have to find them.

Who's in your network? How do you build and maintain professional relationships that support you through challenges? Share your experiences in the comments.

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!