Read to Lead: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

What if one simple phrase could help you regain control when life feels overwhelming? Keep reading to find out how and why The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins does just that!

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

Introduction

Ever wondered which books truly make a difference in leadership or life? Let's dive into the ones that do. Welcome to Read to Lead, a blog series where I dive into the best leadership, business, and self-help books.

As a passionate reader and leader, I’m always looking for fresh insights to fuel both Lead with Linnea and my own personal growth. In this series, I’ll share my honest, unrestrained reviews of the books I’m reading, highlighting the gems that can help you level up in both your career and life. Whether you’re a leader, entrepreneur, or simply looking for ways to grow, this series will help you find the best books to add to your reading list. Let’s read, learn, and lead together!

Today's Book Review

Today’s book review is The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.

Why I Chose Mel Robbins’s The Let Them Theory

Mel Robbins is an author, podcaster, speaker that, given the chance, I will ALWAYS want to read, hear, or see. I was lucky enough to see Mel Robbins speak at an American Public Works Association (APWA) conference once. Following her keynote, I was able to meet her and get a signed copy of The Five Second Rule.

Since that day, I knew Mel Robbins was real, was genuine, and was someone I could relate to and learn from. The topics Mel writes about make an impact on me and how I think. She writes (and speaks) in a way that I understand and can really take action from.

Some books that would be classified similarly to Mel Robbins’s books are tough to read, they don’t flow or are either too academic or too pie in the sky, unrelatable. Mel’s books are the opposite; the pages won’t stop turning. I’ve mentioned it before, but when reading, I use these little colorful flags to highlight points I find exceptionally meaningful…well, in The Let Them Theory, there are a LOT of flags, like a WHOLE LOT of flags!

The Let Them Theory

The Let Them Theory is a book I could probably read a hundred times and each time, get even more out of it. There’s a lot of information jammed into this amazing book. It’s hard when I write these reviews to not just summarize each page and point; I’ll tell you it’s going to be extremely hard with this book because there are so many. To help my plight and to hopefully make this post as helpful as possible to you, I’m going to pick 3 quotes from the book and give you my thoughts about these ideas.

Key Takeaway #1: Taking Control of Your Reactions

“The moment anything happens that stresses you out, say Let Them. Put yourself in pause. Then say Let Me and take a breath.”

You’re in control of your life. You’re in control of your responses. You’re in control. How empowering is that? From time to time we can all fall into the trap of life happening to you and around you and feeling that you are insignificant. In reality, you have the control, the say, the ability to control your part of life.

Mel breaks this down so well. Can you change what happens around you? Not all the time; things happen, we then react. What we can control is our reaction. I’m really digging into emotional intelligence right now and this is the perfect example of being emotionally intelligent and managing your reactions.

I said I won’t overly quote, but Mel explains this thought so perfectly, why spend the time to try to explain it? “By saying Let Me and resetting your stress response – you are now back in control and can choose how to intentionally respond.” You are back in control. You have the ability and the capability to stay in control. With a simple pause, a simple breath, and a simple word, you regain your power and control.

Try This Today:

• Practice the pause: When you feel stress rising, literally say "Let them" out loud or in your head, then take one deep breath before responding.

• Create a physical reminder: Set a phone reminder or write "Let Me" on a sticky note where you'll see it during stressful moments.

• End-of-day reflection: Before bed, think of one moment today where you reacted emotionally and practice how you could have used "Let them, Let me" instead.

Key Takeaway #2: Nurturing Friendships Without Scorekeeping

“Let Me be understanding. Let Me make an effort. Let Me check in without an expectation, but just because I care. Let Me make the plans…”

The Let Them Theory is broken down into sections. One of the sections is all about your relationships with other people. These quotes come from that section, in a chapter about creating friendships.

Friendships make all the difference in your life. I have some amazing friends. Some I spend time with regularly, some less regularly. Each of my friends brings something wonderful to my life in so many ways.

BUT how often do we get into our own heads about our friendships? Do we start to keep score? (Who is the one reaching out more? Why am I always the one to reach out?) We must keep our heads on straight with our friendships. Be understanding, put in the effort, remove the expectations. Do what works FOR YOU and don’t be afraid to be first, put in more effort, be there.

Mel talks about how we change throughout our lives and our friendships change too. She helps us accept permission for change to be ok and how we can build the friendships that serve us at all the different times in our lives. Again, Mel reminds us that we have the control to develop friendships that are meaningful and help provide us with what we need in the different seasons of our lives.

Try This Today:

• Reach out first: Send one text to a friend you've been thinking about, with no expectation of a response—just to let them know you care.

• Stop the scorecard: Next time you catch yourself thinking "I'm always the one who..." redirect to "I'm grateful I get to be the one who shows up."

• Schedule regular check-ins: Pick one friend and put a monthly reminder in your calendar to reach out, no strings attached.

Key Takeaway #3: The 5 Whys Method

“In this method, you’ll ask “why?” five total times until you feel like you’ve gotten to a much deeper answer as to why this bothers you so much.”

The 5 Whys method is not a method that Mel Robbins developed, it was created by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of the Toyota Company. He developed The 5 Whys method to help discover the actual cause of problems and it’s now taught throughout the world.

So, why does The 5 Whys method mean anything to us in this book? It’s all about controlling yourself and your reactions to situations. You ask yourself why something bothers you, figure out your why and then ask it again, until you’ve asked yourself why 5 times. The result? You’re at the base of the problem, the real reason whatever is going on bothers you. Why is that important? You can then react appropriately, removing the highly charged emotion, addressing the actual issue instead of the hot button topic that sent you into reaction mode.

Think of the last time you lost your temper. What were you reacting to? Take that outburst of emotion and trace it back. What were you reacting to? Why did it bother you? Think about that statement and then ask again, why did THAT bother you? Do that three more times. When you lost your temper, was any part of that outburst relating to that core reason you were bothered? Likely not.

Think of the last time you emotionally reacted to something your child did. Was your reaction based on what they did on the surface? Or something deeper, like your fear they would be injured? Your fear they will keep going down a bad path and not be successful in life?

It's difficult to dive into examples from my own experiences for this. While there are so many that have come to mind, writing about my reaction to these types of situations and the underlying reasons gets a bit too personal. While I’m not overly concerned with oversharing with you about myself, I don’t want to air anyone else’s issues.

Try This Today:

• Practice on a recent frustration: Think of something that bothered you this week and work through the 5 whys right now.

• Create a journal prompt: Write "What bothered me today and why?" at the top of a page, then dig deeper with each why.

• Use it in real-time: Next time you feel a strong emotional reaction, pause and ask yourself "Why does this bother me?" before responding.

Final Thoughts and Recommendation

The Let Them Theory dives into countless topics that really invite your brain to think. Reading this book will give you an entirely different perspective on how the world works around you and how you react. I cannot impress upon you enough that this book is worth reading, re-read or even third to one hundredth re-read. It’ll make a great difference in your life.

Get the book now!

Now that you’ve seen my review of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, pick up the book and read it! Pick it up at your local library or follow this link if you’d like to purchase the book. Full disclosure, I do get a commission if you buy from this link.

Purchase Here!

Your Turn: Share Your Opinion

Did you find the review helpful? Once you read the book, share your thoughts. Continue the conversation and keep on sharing! Tell me what you liked (or didn't) when you read the book. Your insights can share insight with others!

Recommend Your Leadership Reads

What’s a book that changed the way you lead or think? Share it, and I might feature it next! Include the book title and author name in the comments as well as why you think I should read it next. The most intriguing books will be read to be featured in future posts."

Books shape minds, and kindness shapes the world—let’s keep leading with both!

As always, carry social kindness with you everywhere you go. The world needs you and your positive mindset!